Updating Where We Are Now

After a few years hiatus, I thought I would like to update where we are now. I've missed writing, but have been busy with different projects and other issues. It is so easy to get out of the habit of writing!
1. UPDATE on David
Generally speaking, David has been doing better for the last two years. He's had his usual ups and downs, but is doing a good job at keeping stable. He had a few rough months this last winter, and after consulting with his doctor, realized that his lack of sleep is a big part of the problem. The doctor changed up his meds a little, had him take the meds later in the evening, and gave us a referral to a book that deals with sleep issues: "No More Sleepless Nights." Addressing his sleep issues seems to be helping David with his attitude and energy levels.
Last summer David was asked to help in a small congregation in our stake (like a diocese) at an apartment complex for elderly and disabled people. After some hesitation and a great deal of anxiety, he decided that he would like to try it. He loves it! And the experience of working with others who deal with similar issues to his, along with the warmth and love and acceptance he feels there is an important part of his healing. He takes his assignments to help seriously and he is growing spiritually as he prays every day and reads the scriptures several times a week. Serving others makes a huge amount of difference in controlling his disorder.
David's mother passed away around the same time as his new church assignment. Her passing, which means he has no nuclear family members left since his father, brother, and sister all died some years ago, and the closing of her home and all the memories attached to it was painful. We appreciate our oldest son's handling of the estate, and David is adjusting to the new normal reasonably well.
2. UPDATE on the Family
After spending eleven years in Mexico, our daughter Lara and her children moved back to the States last summer. (If you notice, the summer of 2016 was exceptionally busy!)
We were amazed at how smoothly and quickly everything fell into place: airline tickets at a great price, a home for them to stay in, a car, and jobs for Lara and her oldest son.
We are so happy to have them here and to get to know the children, ages 10, 13, 16, and 18. The change has been challenging for them, but they are doing a great job adjusting to having their lives turned upside down.
We also had two deployments with our military guys. Our son-in-law spent time in the Middle East, and Brian is currently doing a short tour of duty in Europe.
3. Other Odds and Ends
Along the way we have been making some much-needed home improvements: we are enjoying the garage, had new concrete done last year, and are working on making our yard better looking. I've been especially excited with the addition of two new fruit trees.
There have been several trips around the area, and we recently bought a new to us Jeep CJ7, along with a new truck and camper. We are looking forward to many coming adventures!

Our new dwarf peach tree in bloom

Our new dwarf Asian pear tree in bloom

early in the cement project

A Fishing Trip Observation

David and I went fishing one last time for the season. Although it was overcast and chilly, and the fishing was slow, David was more relaxed and able to enjoy the peaceful day. The depression that has had him in its grip all summer and fall is finally loosening its hold. We don't know why exactly, but we're grateful that it is and that David can find more enjoyment in life.
The dogs had a good time running around and kept us entertained. When Sunny, our toy poodle, get tired of the running he likes to curl up in my bag for a nap.

Sunny napping

Lucy, our lab/pointer mix, is still afraid of the water. We thought she'd outgrow her fear and take to the water as her breed is known to do. But no; she still refuses to get wet above her knees.

She and David were playing a game of fetch when the stick landed in the water, just outside of her comfort zone. She wanted that stick!

Pacing and whining

She stood on the rocks at the shoreline and stretched as far as she could. She went in up to her knees and tried to reach for it, but no luck. The stick was within easy reach if she would go just a little further in, but she wouldn't do it. Instead, she paced along the shore and whined and paced again.

So close but so far away 

Stretching as far as possible 

Even though the stick was moving closer to shore, she wouldn't reach for it. I finally coaxed her, and sweet success!

Finally!

She retrieved it and pranced around happily.

Lucy enjoying her stick

Isn't that how we behave on occasion? So often a goal is within reach if we'll just stretch a little and move outside our comfort zone. That's when we need encouragement and support from those who can see what's ahead better than we can.
I also spent some time reading a new book about the history and purpose of Relief Society. I enjoyed reading about this organization and liked what Eliza R. Snow, an early leader, had to say, "Let them seek for wisdom instead of power and they will have all the power they have wisdom to exercise." The book also discussed the importance of unity and cooperation. I appreciated this excerpt from the Proclamation on the Family: "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." David and I have found that using these principles are absolutely vital in our efforts to understand and keep this disorder under control.
Like Lucy and her stick, it was only when we finally put aside our fears and pride that we were able to work together much more effectively to reach our goal of stability and peace.

On the family front: Happy Halloween!
From our party last weekend: 

 

 

A Day of Fishing and Relaxation

The sun was shining, the skies were blue, and the temps mild. David and I loaded up the car with fishing gear, food, and the dogs. We headed out to our favorite fishing spot at Lost Creek for a day of fishing and relaxation.

I have been frustrated with a bad case of writers block and hoped a change of scenery would help. While David set up his fishing gear, the dogs and I took a long walk in the surrounding foothills. The weather and lighting was just right to play around with photography. I feel my muse returning.

Golden Aspens

Sagebrush

A little sign I saw among the sagebrush and trees

scrub oak leaves

The fishing has been really slow all summer and fall. We think it's because the spring and summer were so wet that there was an abundance of feed, and the fish were interested in bait and worms. Whatever the reason, David was a bit frustrated because he only had a few nibbles and one catch. I took a sip of juice and met up with a bee who had the same idea. OWWW!

David contemplating where to throw in his line

A little thicket with the beginning of fall colors

Lucy among some weeds

David is still working through some depression, but he's taking the right dosage of medicine, avoiding triggers as much as possible, and working hard to keep it from overrunning his life. He recently started working at a condominium where he does light maintenance work and can set his own time and pace. We're grateful for it.

On the family front:

We visited our son Ben and his family for my birthday in September. David had a bad case of travel anxiety before we left, to the point where I seriously considered leaving him home. Fortunately, once we were on our way he calmed down, and we had a nice three hour drive north. I forgot my camera in my haste to get going! We enjoyed a relaxing visit, were excited to see their new home, and had fun playing with the grandchildren (ages 5, 4, 2, and 6 months). When four-year-old Hailee found out it was my birthday, she said, "Where are your presents? She giggled when I said, "You're my present!" I don't think she believed me, but seeing them settled and happy was the best present I could ask for.

I had a nice chat with Soldier Brian recently when he was home on mid-tour leave. He had a great time relaxing and being with his wife and three young children (3, 18 months, 7 months). "They've grown so much since I've been away!" he said. Brian puts in long hours, but he says it helps the time pass quickly. We'll be glad when he's back home to stay. 

Our Mexican branch of the family are also doing very well. I've been able to call them regularly. I'm so grateful they now have cell phone service. They recently began attending their local ward, and they all tell me how much happier they are. Thirteen-year-old Zachary says, "It's changed our family for the better." I hear it in their voices, and I believe him.

We're having a halloween party next weekend for the family here in the valley. I can't wait!

When I get tired and discouraged I am learning to change my thinking and count my blessings instead. And, truthfully, even with our challenges, we have much to be grateful for.

Christmas Thoughts

So far we have had a joyous Christmas season. David decided he was going to get into the spirit of it, and has worked extra hard to stay healthy. He hung up the Christmas lights both inside and outside of the house; it looks so festive!

Two of the grandchildren with their gifts in front of the tree

We helped out with the ward Christmas dinner last week, and we had a good time with it. Jeff and Katie with her family came to the party, and it was fun to watch baby Sierra (8 months) look around and take it all in. Two of our grandchildren, Brad and Gabby, stayed the weekend with us, and on Saturday night we took them, along with granddaughter Jenna, to Temple Square to see the lights. Crowd scenes are always difficult for David, but he went anyway, and we had a lot of fun watching the children run around looking at the sites.

On Temple Square

The nativity scene

One of the luminaries on the plaza

At work, we had a devotional and Christmas parties to help celebrate the season. Bishop David Burton spoke about keeping Christmas simple on a day when I really needed this message. Among other things, he said, "Simplification can help us focus on what is important. Simplification helps us to serve and distinguish between wants and needs. Simplification can be therapeutic and help us focus on our blessings and heritage. Focusing on gratitude will make a difference in our lives, and help us think of the life and ministry of Jesus Christ. Too often we look for the Savior in the big, glamorous events of life, and miss seeing Him in the small and simple experiences of life."

A young lady with bipolar on a board for spouses in a bipolar relationship said that the holidays are difficult for her because routines get stretched and changed, and can cause frustration and anxiety. I think the key to a happy holiday season for those suffering from this disorder is to keep track of moods, and adjust festivities accordingly. Besides, I get overwhelmed, too, and appreciate scaled-back celebrations, with a chance to relax and enjoy the spirit of the season, as well as to ponder on the greatest gift of all: that of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.

On the family front: We were snowed out for our annual post-Thanksgiving pie party on the Sunday after Thanksgiving. So this year we had it a week later. Those who were in the area came, and we had a nice time visiting with each other. Truthfully, the food is an afterthought at these events, but I did make a cranberry cheesecake that turned out well. My favorite part is having the house full, listening to bits of conversation, and the sound of grandchildren running through the house and playing together. The remodeled room where the toys are kept was a big hit. And this week Ben and his family are moving to Idaho Falls where he will be starting a brand-new job. We are so excited for them about this next chapter of their lives.

November happenings

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving a huge blizzard was forecast for the area. The hype was so intense that we were sent home early from work (not that I minded), and the stores were crowded with people getting last minute supplies. When the storm rolled in, the clouds were impressive but the storm only dropped a relatively small amount of snow. Then, on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, a snowstorm came through the area with little warning, and dumped 15 inches where we live.

Aftermath of the storm

Isn't that the way life is? While it's a good thing to be prepared, I have found that too often I end up worrying needlessly about a crisis that doesn't happen.

For example, on the last warm fall day the week before Thanksgiving, David decided to go fishing at his favorite spot by himself. I did manage to smile and wave good-bye and to not "mother hen" him with a list of do's and don'ts, but I worried about him off and on all day at work. I had a hard time relaxing until he came home at dark, just as he said he would, happy and showing off his string of fish. He had a good time, and we enjoyed a fish fry that night. All that worry for nothing! I have to keep reminding myself that worrying, in an of itself, really doesn't accomplish much.

I took a day off for our 24th anniversary, and we chose to spend it fishing at our favorite fishing hole. Then, the next day one of our sons joined us for another fishing trip. The weather was lovely, I enjoyed the serenity of the area, and the company of David and Ben. In addition, we caught some beautiful fish.

During the Thanksgiving holiday David and I painted and rearranged our spare bedroom. It was a fun project to work on together, and nice to have it done. I'm thrilled to have quiet office space, as well as a place for the grandchildren to play with a stash of toys when they come.

David's mood has been fairly stable this fall. We've noticed that he'll have some upbeat, productive days followed by a day or two when he can't do much. When that happens, he's learned to take some his meds, and then go lay down in a quiet room by himself. He manages his disorder best when he takes steps to minimize its affect on him. It takes some mental effort, but he is able to pull himself together, and continues on with his life. I'm really proud of him.

Family update: We also went to dinner for our anniversary and were so happy to have all of the children who live in the area there. Our family keeps growing, soon to number 18 grandchildren. And our Soldier Brian was just promoted to 1st Lt.—so proud of him and his family, as well as his brothers and sisters and their families. We have much to be thankful for.

Have you seen a miracle today?

Someone asked me that question in an elevator the other day. And then I enjoyed this thought from my "kindness calendar" today: "Miracles occur naturally as expressions of love. The real miracle is the love that inspires them. In this sense everything that comes from love is a miracle."—A course in miracles

It made me think about miracles in my life. There are the big miracles, such as the ones Jesus performed, and still does today as we let Him. There are also the miracles associated with nature and the boom in secular knowledge, such as how an apple comes from a seed (I know the botanists know, but I don't) and being able to speak to my daughter in southern Mexico on a cell phone (I know the scientists understand it, but again, I don't). Then there are the small everyday miracles that we may not notice until we look back over time. Miracles such as these frequently demand a lot of time, patience, perseverance and hard work, but miracles they are.

Miracles in my life include, but are not limited, to:

*Watching David work through his illness with courage. He has struggled this last week with unwanted mood changes, including 2 days of not being able to do anything. I worried about it, but decided that sitting home and fretting with him was not going to solve anything, so I went to work. When I came home the other day he, as he put it, "decided I had to climb back up on the bucking horse again" and cleaned the house and yard. I know it is hard for him, but he does it anyway. He has his regular appointment today with his doctor, and I'm hoping he can help David manage his moods a bit better.

*Learning to do things that as a formerly shy person I couldn't have ever imagined doing, such as (and I know it sounds silly) making business phone calls as well as interviewing others about their opinions and experiences on a variety of subjects. That was one of the great things about the recent trip; it gave me confidence and I really enjoyed the whole experience.

*Seeing my children grow and progress and bloom. I try to respect their privacy and don't discuss here the family dramas that are bound to happen in a family as large as ours filled with strong-willed, high-spirited people, but I do reserve the right to gush over them when occasion demands. Last Friday was one of those occasions: I watched my engineer student Ben defend his master's thesis. He was well-prepared, knew what he was talking about, and it was obvious from his master's committee that they understood what he was saying and signed the important 4 signatures on his project. I am so proud of him! This young man grew from an inquisitive little boy to a bored teen who wouldn't go to school and ended up passing his GED with flying colors at the end of his junior year of high school. As his dad and stepmother put it (who both deserve a huge pat on the back for helping him), they helped turn him from a long-haired dropout to a math and science nerd. At one time we despaired over him but he grew up, served an LDS mission to Australia, came home, married well, had 3 children, and worked hard during his 7 years of intense schooling. He and his wife are both excited and ready to move on to the next phase of their life, and I am so happy for them.

(The apple is symbolic of not just the miracle of nature, but of my recent trip.)

Back from a Long Weekend

We had our annual family camping trip last weekend. We had been planning this for a month or so, even though half of the family couldn't come because of work and other obligations. (Sometimes it feels like herding cats trying to accommodate everyone's busy schedules.) We were getting excited about going when we had word that one of David's aunts passed away following a long illness. We didn't know what the funeral plans were until Thursday afternoon, which was when we had planned to leave for the mountains. The upset about the funeral plus the stress of packing for a trip sent David into a manic episode, but we finally left Thursday evening. By Friday noon, the mountains had worked their calming magic for him, and we ended up having a good time. He loves being in the mountains, finding serenity in the beautiful scenery. That is where he is at his relaxed best.

Three of our daughters, their families, and David's ex, Bette, joined us Friday afternoon. Bette has joined us on a number of camping trips over the years, and we enjoy being with her. She has been great at helping me to understand David, and on occasion we have been known to "gang up" on him to get him to behave.

We were at Lily Lake in the Uintah Mountains, much to 3-year-old Lily's delight. David taught the 5 grandchildren who were there how to fish, and gave them some poles without hooks to practice casting out into the lake. We also hiked around the small lake, and relaxed. The kids had fun running around, playing hide and seek, building a fort, and having "smarshmallows" in the evening. The weather even cooperated. This was Lily's first real camping trip, and she had a great time observing all that was going on and keeping up with the bigger kids. Watching the kids have such a good time made all the effort and stress involved worth it.





The dogs were also in heaven running through the long grass near the lake. By the time we left they were so tired they could hardly move. But they were happy.

On Monday David and I spent the day with his mother driving to her sister's funeral, and then taking some time to locate and visit family grave sites. The weather was pleasant, and the funeral very moving and thought-provoking. I have been thinking of my own mother's passing lately, and the speakers reminded me of important and soothing truths about the purpose of this life. I realized again that family members past and present are an important part of who we are and that we best honor them by the way we live our lives.

David did well through the funeral and the drive home, but the last two days have been difficult for him. He slipped into depression, thinking about all the possible "what ifs." One of the reasons for this latest sadness is that it is the 2-year anniversary of his father's passing from Alzheimer's. He does tell me about how he's feeling, but I worry about his lack of energy and wonder how long this cycle will last.

When he was manic while preparing for the camping trip I was also stressed, and decided to try some deep breathing for a few minutes. While it didn't work miracles, it did help me relax a bit and focus on what needed to be done. We go through pre-trip mania every time we go somewhere, and even though I know it's going to happen, it's still frustrating and nerve-wracking. Even though camping is a lot of work, I still enjoy going.

Back from R&R

Usually I try to do too much during a vacation and come home tired, but last week's vacation was just the right mix of activity and rest. And, to make it even better, David's test results came back and were good: he does have some esophagus problems because of acid reflux, but the rest looked all right. He's been feeling much better as he takes the stomach medicine he was prescribed, and his mood has been mostly upbeat.

He had a wonderful time camping and fishing for 2 days with our daughter Shannon and her 2 children, 8-year-old Gabby and 4-year-old Brad. They went to a high mountain lake that they had mostly to themselves and enjoyed the view, the fishing, and the company. It was just what he needed. Camping and fishing are the best medicine in the world for him.

I love going to McCall, Idaho, a small resort town located around a beautiful lake and forested mountains. I feel my stress level getting lower almost as soon as I get there. All of my brothers and sisters were there for part of the time, and I had fun visiting with them and our beloved 85-year-old dad. There was a nice mix of good conversation, good food, fun activities, and time to relax and read an interesting book. And for an added bonus, the weather was just right: warm during the days and cool at night.

We went on morning walks to the lake pictured above, hiked up to a mountain lake, took a chair lift to the top of the mountain at the local ski report for breathtaking views, and went on a day rafting trip on the main fork of the Salmon River.

View from the top of the ski hill.

Mountain lake we hiked to. Rafting on the Salmon. Such beautiful country!

I love rafting on the Salmon with my family. My brother knows the river well and we have a good time visiting, laughing, and enjoying the ride. The river has a strong current, which is why it is known as the "river of no return." In addition to the rapids (so fun! Like a water roller coaster), there are long stretches of calm, clear green water. The river flows at its own pace and reminds me that life is also flowing along as it should, with stressful times as well as tranquil moments. We need to have both present in our lives. I always feel renewed in body and spirit after a day on the river. No wonder my brother lives for it!

Photos of the Salmon River near Riggins, Idaho.

This week verified again to me the importance of getting regular rest and relaxation. We need it to keep our troubles in perspective, and to give our bodies time to rest and heal. I came home happy, rested, and ready to carry on with my life and its challenges.

On Vacation

I'm leaving tomorrow for a five day visit with my dad and all my brothers and sisters. In the last year we've been able to see each other more than we had previously, and in a fun coincidence we will all be together on what would have been our parents' 64th anniversary. On the agenda, besides enjoying each other's company, is a rafting trip on the Salmon River and hiking. One of my brothers has been rafting on the river for the last 30 years or more, and knows all the best rapids. It will also be about ten degrees cooler than here. I am so looking forward to going.

I also feel a bit conflicted because we haven't heard yet what the medical report is on David. Last Friday he went to have an ultrasound on his gall bladder, and they ended up looking at his liver, kidneys and spleen as well. We're nervous, but he insists on me going ahead with my plans. He's also feeling the effect of not having a part-time job and is starting to have some anxiety. Hopefully he will be able to get something soon. He needs it not just for the money, but also to help him focus. We noticed that having to go to even a part-time job helped him work through his mood cycles. I think the heat is also affecting him.

He and our daughter Shannon, with her two children, are planning an overnight fishing trip while I'm gone. He's looking forward to that, and I think some time to himself as well. I'm just praying that the medical reports will be good.

Work Projects and Change

I planted some flowers and herbs last week. I am no gardening expert, but I enjoyed doing it and they have added nice color to our front yard. Next year I plan on doing more gardening, but this is a good step in the right direction.

I also starting preparing my room for a new paint job. Here is a "before" picture. The room has been home for the past 23 years to our daughters as they went from little girls to young women to leaving home and starting their own families. Katie had this room last. She insisted on painting it bright pink and had lots of Tinkerbell drawings on the wall. It fit her. When I took down all the pictures I felt terribly sentimental about her and her sisters. But I decided it would not be healthy to keep it as a shrine to them. I felt similarly when we turned our boys' old room into a pantry off the kitchen. We left it alone for 2 years until Jeff got married, then made the change. Even though it was hard to deconstruct their rooms, we are glad we did it.

And so it is with life. Changes come whether we want them to or not. The trick is to learn to make the most of what comes along. I enjoyed (for the most part) watching my children grow up in these rooms: their good times and bad, their play times, their learning experiences, their laughter and their tears. I miss my babies. But I also delight in the good things they are doing with their lives. With this new stage of being empty-nesters, I like the (relative) quiet, and the chance to do some things around the house that I never had time for before.