Where We Are Now

I recently took some time to read about this adventure we've been on for the last six years. So much progress! And yet we still have miles to go.

I started this blog as part of a class assignment when I was going to school. At the time, David was newly diagnosed and we had no idea of what to do or expect. I wrote this at the time:
    "For most of the time we have been married, David has dealt with mood swings and difficulties in keeping a job. Until last year, he was functioning all right and learning to keep his moods under control. Then he lost another job, and his illness took a turn for the worse. After several weeks of not being able to concentrate, struggling with hallucinations, and taking long walks when he was almost catatonic, he agreed to see a doctor. It was a relief to have a name for what was happening to him, and at the same time frightening because we knew so little about the disorder. This is what I wrote at the time: 'We had a long, very interesting and helpful talk about what is happening to him, and I'm still digesting this piece of news. Fortunately, most of the time he's rational and able to tell me what is going on in his mind. I don't know much about this disease, and I have a million more questions than answers. I just feel my husband has been handed a life sentence for an incurable, but hopefully treatable disease. This feels overwhelming. One of my questions is what do I tell the kids? Another is how in the world am I going to find the time to deal with taking care of him and everything else?'"

One of the real blessings for us was my brother Kent, who was working as a case worker for a mental health organization. We were able to have lunch together frequently during that time, and when I described David's worsening condition he told me what was going on and gave me some much needed information and moral support. Kent and his wife, Chris, were wonderful listening ears and helped David understand and accept his diagnosis.
After David stabilized, we were surprised by the amount of stigma associated with mental illness and decided that we would do our part in our small sphere of influence to lessen it by being open about bipolar and talking about it with family members and friends. It undoubtedly was hard for them to hear what we were saying at first, but over the years they have become accepting and supportive. I especially appreciate the men in our ward who have taken David under their wings and make him feel wanted and needed. With that support, David has worked on his own spirituality and makes every effort to attend church regularly and we have prayer together every morning and evening. His prayers are deeply felt and beautiful. He knows where to turn for help when things are rough, and has been given the strength that he needs.

We have also been fortunate to have great doctors who give him the help he needs. His pdoc is especially good at working with David, and takes the time to call when there is a need. Because of that, David is really good about taking his meds (with an occasional outburst of "I don't need them anymore" and then he realizes he does). From 2007: Sep 22, 2007
"I had intended to keep this journal (at goarmyparents.com) just for the military kids, but I think that on occasion I'm going to talk about David and the battle we are in for his mental health. I find that I'm responding to this much as I do when my boys are deployed—disbelief, grief, worry, small joys, the need to find out everything I can about it, etc. It feels like another type of roller coaster ride.

"I went with him to the Dr. again on Tuesday after a bad weekend and my b-day, and after the Dr. consulted with the clinic psychiatrist, he left some meds for David at the reception desk. After 1 1/2 days of dragging his feet, and several discussions about why he needs them, he picked them up!! I know it's a little thing, but I'm DELIGHTED! I just hope he'll take them, and they'll help. He goes back to the Dr. in 2 weeks for a consultation, and we'll see what happens then. I went to my bishop and he gave me some needed counsel and comfort."
Truly, David would not be as stable without the support of friends and loved ones, and caring doctors.

Now he doesn't have the frightening manic episodes, but he still battles severe anxiety and depression. For example, we visited my family in McCall last Thanksgiving and even though he had a hard time with his moods, we managed to have a good time. Unfortunately as the weekend progressed, David retreated into himself and an almost catatonic state. He was in no shape to drive the seven hours home, so I drove the whole way, except for a 25 mile stretch when I thought he was doing better. It was frightening. I didn't want to drive drowsy, so we found a motel in a little town out in the middle of nowhere—there's a lot of nowhere on that drive— and spent the night. He had a rough night, couldn't sleep, so he took more of his meds. The next morning he could barely move, had trouble speaking and had that vacant look in his eyes were he's there, but not really home. He slept the whole way home (another three hours) and then all afternoon and evening. I worried about his slurred speech and wondered if he was having a stroke, but he woke up the next morning coherent, but a little confused about which day it was. When I called the doctor, he explained that when David gets in that catatonic state it's usually following mania and/or anxiety. His mind is going so fast his body can't keep up with it and shuts down. He gave David a prescription for Ativan to help with the times when he starts to get overwhelmed. The Ativan has been very helpful for times when he anticipates stressful events (such as vacations) or when he feels it coming on. The doctor also says that post-vacation depression is a normal reaction to the excitement and change from the routine. I try to keep that in mind during the often difficult days after we go somewhere.
Scenes from our Thanksgiving trip:

David with my brothers and a horse team

A Fishing Trip Observation

David and I went fishing one last time for the season. Although it was overcast and chilly, and the fishing was slow, David was more relaxed and able to enjoy the peaceful day. The depression that has had him in its grip all summer and fall is finally loosening its hold. We don't know why exactly, but we're grateful that it is and that David can find more enjoyment in life.
The dogs had a good time running around and kept us entertained. When Sunny, our toy poodle, get tired of the running he likes to curl up in my bag for a nap.

Sunny napping

Lucy, our lab/pointer mix, is still afraid of the water. We thought she'd outgrow her fear and take to the water as her breed is known to do. But no; she still refuses to get wet above her knees.

She and David were playing a game of fetch when the stick landed in the water, just outside of her comfort zone. She wanted that stick!

Pacing and whining

She stood on the rocks at the shoreline and stretched as far as she could. She went in up to her knees and tried to reach for it, but no luck. The stick was within easy reach if she would go just a little further in, but she wouldn't do it. Instead, she paced along the shore and whined and paced again.

So close but so far away 

Stretching as far as possible 

Even though the stick was moving closer to shore, she wouldn't reach for it. I finally coaxed her, and sweet success!

Finally!

She retrieved it and pranced around happily.

Lucy enjoying her stick

Isn't that how we behave on occasion? So often a goal is within reach if we'll just stretch a little and move outside our comfort zone. That's when we need encouragement and support from those who can see what's ahead better than we can.
I also spent some time reading a new book about the history and purpose of Relief Society. I enjoyed reading about this organization and liked what Eliza R. Snow, an early leader, had to say, "Let them seek for wisdom instead of power and they will have all the power they have wisdom to exercise." The book also discussed the importance of unity and cooperation. I appreciated this excerpt from the Proclamation on the Family: "Happiness in family life is most likely to be achieved when founded upon the teachings of the Lord Jesus Christ. Successful marriages and families are established and maintained on principles of faith, prayer, repentance, forgiveness, respect, love, compassion, work, and wholesome recreational activities." David and I have found that using these principles are absolutely vital in our efforts to understand and keep this disorder under control.
Like Lucy and her stick, it was only when we finally put aside our fears and pride that we were able to work together much more effectively to reach our goal of stability and peace.

On the family front: Happy Halloween!
From our party last weekend: 

 

 

November happenings

On the Tuesday before Thanksgiving a huge blizzard was forecast for the area. The hype was so intense that we were sent home early from work (not that I minded), and the stores were crowded with people getting last minute supplies. When the storm rolled in, the clouds were impressive but the storm only dropped a relatively small amount of snow. Then, on the Sunday after Thanksgiving, a snowstorm came through the area with little warning, and dumped 15 inches where we live.

Aftermath of the storm

Isn't that the way life is? While it's a good thing to be prepared, I have found that too often I end up worrying needlessly about a crisis that doesn't happen.

For example, on the last warm fall day the week before Thanksgiving, David decided to go fishing at his favorite spot by himself. I did manage to smile and wave good-bye and to not "mother hen" him with a list of do's and don'ts, but I worried about him off and on all day at work. I had a hard time relaxing until he came home at dark, just as he said he would, happy and showing off his string of fish. He had a good time, and we enjoyed a fish fry that night. All that worry for nothing! I have to keep reminding myself that worrying, in an of itself, really doesn't accomplish much.

I took a day off for our 24th anniversary, and we chose to spend it fishing at our favorite fishing hole. Then, the next day one of our sons joined us for another fishing trip. The weather was lovely, I enjoyed the serenity of the area, and the company of David and Ben. In addition, we caught some beautiful fish.

During the Thanksgiving holiday David and I painted and rearranged our spare bedroom. It was a fun project to work on together, and nice to have it done. I'm thrilled to have quiet office space, as well as a place for the grandchildren to play with a stash of toys when they come.

David's mood has been fairly stable this fall. We've noticed that he'll have some upbeat, productive days followed by a day or two when he can't do much. When that happens, he's learned to take some his meds, and then go lay down in a quiet room by himself. He manages his disorder best when he takes steps to minimize its affect on him. It takes some mental effort, but he is able to pull himself together, and continues on with his life. I'm really proud of him.

Family update: We also went to dinner for our anniversary and were so happy to have all of the children who live in the area there. Our family keeps growing, soon to number 18 grandchildren. And our Soldier Brian was just promoted to 1st Lt.—so proud of him and his family, as well as his brothers and sisters and their families. We have much to be thankful for.

On Vacation

I'm leaving tomorrow for a five day visit with my dad and all my brothers and sisters. In the last year we've been able to see each other more than we had previously, and in a fun coincidence we will all be together on what would have been our parents' 64th anniversary. On the agenda, besides enjoying each other's company, is a rafting trip on the Salmon River and hiking. One of my brothers has been rafting on the river for the last 30 years or more, and knows all the best rapids. It will also be about ten degrees cooler than here. I am so looking forward to going.

I also feel a bit conflicted because we haven't heard yet what the medical report is on David. Last Friday he went to have an ultrasound on his gall bladder, and they ended up looking at his liver, kidneys and spleen as well. We're nervous, but he insists on me going ahead with my plans. He's also feeling the effect of not having a part-time job and is starting to have some anxiety. Hopefully he will be able to get something soon. He needs it not just for the money, but also to help him focus. We noticed that having to go to even a part-time job helped him work through his mood cycles. I think the heat is also affecting him.

He and our daughter Shannon, with her two children, are planning an overnight fishing trip while I'm gone. He's looking forward to that, and I think some time to himself as well. I'm just praying that the medical reports will be good.

David's Health Issues

"Perseverance and spirit have done wonder in all ages"---George Washington

I came across that quote during the 4th of July weekend when I started reading David McCullough's book "1776." This is a great one about the first year of the Revolutionary War with George Washington and the Continental Army. I am in awe of those who were involved in an effort where everything seemed stacked against them. Brave men and women indeed.

One of my favorite things is to relax with a good book. I don't get the chance very often, and it's a real treat when I find some extra time. David's ulcer has been bothering him, so while he rested, I read.

I read a lot when I was growing up, and had a tendency to block everything else out. My family used to tease me that if I was reading a good book the house could burn around me and I wouldn't notice. I used to hide out in the library and read during lunch hours when I was in high school. Then one day a friend came into the library, told me I needed to socialize more than I needed to read another book, gathered everything up, and nearly dragged me to the lunchroom where some mutual friends were. He was right, and I learned to put a limit on how much recreational reading I did.

We ended up having a nice, quiet long weekend, except that we had to miss a family BBQ. David felt progressively worse during the weekend, and finally went to the dr. He ended up having a scope and biopsy yesterday (the 13th). The initial reports are good. The dr. who did the scope is the same one who did his emergency operation when he had a bleeding ulcer two years ago. She said that he's looking much better and thinks the problem is acid reflux.

David came through the procedure well, and his mood is a little blue but stable. I appreciate the fact that he usually can monitor how he's feeling and knows what he needs to do to keep stable. I have a tendency to hover over him when I think he's vulnerable, which irritates him. So I am learning to control that motherly instinct and walk away when he needs to be alone with his thoughts.

In addition to that stress, the company that we work for part-time lost the contract the building that we clean. While it is upsetting, I actually don't mind. I was getting really tired of working 2 jobs. We're hoping they will have something else for David to do. He really needs a part-time job to help him focus and stay calm.

That's why I like the quote by George Washington. It fits my life.

More on Managing Emotion

David has been doing better by degrees for the last two weeks. He went to his dr. last week for some blood tests and we are waiting to hear the results. In the meantime, he is working hard at controlling his emotions. I appreciate that about him. Every time he goes through a bad cycle, when he comes out of it he becomes introspective and redoubles his effort to control his illness. He's learning to use his character trait of being strong-willed and stubborn to fight this illness. David commented the other day that just as he thinks he has it under control, it escapes him again. It's a never-ending battle that sometimes wears him out, but he keeps fighting it.

Even though things have calmed down, I've been thinking more about how to manage my emotional reaction to his moods. Most of the time I can stay calm and fairly detached emotionally because I know it's the illness talking and not him. But every once in a while it gets to me, and I react.

Fortunately for us, after he's had a fit of bipolar rage, he becomes quiet and that allows me the time I need to gather my thoughts and feelings and get back to my emotional center. Only then are we able to talk over what happened.

One of the challenges of mental illness is that it affects people in so many different ways. Because of that, there is no one-size-fits-all method of treatment or coping for mental illness. I have been looking at different sources for advice about handling the emotional roller coaster, and have found some helpful hints. I hope to fully explore the subject in another post.

One piece of advice that I've read in several places is that it is important to acknowledge my feelings so that I can work through them and move on. I appreciate that, because I find it too easy to bury my feelings. That doesn't do either of us any good because my resentments build up and it eventually boils over and poisons my desire to work with him.

Several sources mention the need to take time for myself to de-stress. I have learned the importance of taking several mental health days a year. I know I need one when I start to feel resentful, overly tired, and pre-occupied. I'm planning on taking another one soon.

One of the best ways for me to cope is to turn to prayer for help. When his moods get to be too much for me to handle I rely heavily on prayer to get me through the tough times, and for David to get the help he needs. And without fail, that help comes.

Learning what triggers his mood is also important. Holidays are stressful for him because of expectations that come with them. We decided to stay home and relax this year. We are hoping that this Fourth of July will be a lot better than last year.

Of Valentines Day and the Super Bowl

A few days ago I read a story in the Wall Street Journal, "Happy Couples Kiss and Tell" about how long-married happy couples have stayed together. Among the interesting tidbits are forgiveness, hard work, finding the middle grounds, laughing together, keeping some things separate, and never giving up. I agree with all those tips, and add another one: sharing common interests with each other.

For example, in addition to our children (obviously) and trips where we like to explore less-than-well-used roads, we like to watch sports together: baseball playoffs, basketball (the Jazz), and especially football.

David is a Denver Bronco fan, more so when John Elway (his hero) played. I am a diehard Green Bay Packer fan that goes back to when I was growing up with two older brothers. Since they played football in high school, and I liked being around them, I learned how to watch a football game during the Vince Lombardi era. We have a collection of Bronco and Packer items at our house; one of my treasures is a cheesehead that a friend gave me.

Over the years we have enjoyed a friendly rivalry when Green Bay and Denver played (especially when they played each other in the Super Bowl). We enjoyed watching the game on Sunday, just the two of us. He was cheering for the Colts, and I was firmly in the Saints' camp. I was delighted they won; what a great thing for them and their city! Now it's on to watching the Olympics.

Granddaughter Gabby and my Cheesehead

Update on David: He's starting to struggle again with no sleep, noises, and a very sour mood. He talked to his doctor yesterday, and instead of taking his meds at night, he'll try them during the day. The problem is that David is drug resistant. I think part of it is his body chemistry, and part of it is his subconscious fighting the effects of the meds. When he had knee surgery 15 years ago I asked his surgeon to give him some valium, hoping it would help him relax and let his knee heal. It had the opposite effect. He went manic, and remodeled our bathroom all one night, and the next day, when I was dozing for 5 minutes, he walked 2 blocks to the neighborhood playground with Jeff and Katie. When I found him there, I admit that I colored the air blue, and let him figure out how to get home on his own. That was the last of that type of medicine. To be fair, David hadn't been diagnosed yet, and we had no idea about what to do with his mood swings.

The doctor is going to a medical convention this week and taking David's file with him to consult with others about him because he's tried all the med combos that he can. Here's praying he comes back with some more ideas! In the meantime, I try to give him some encouragement, and support, and lots of space. That last item is important for my sanity; he can be sarcastic when he's in this mood, and I don't want to add fuel to the fire. I've been spending the last hour of the evening reading and doing some writing. It helps to have that time to myself so I can unwind.

On the family scene: We have a new grandson, Eric Jay! He was born on Wednesday to Soldier Brian and Tania at Ft. Lewis Washington. I'm so happy he's here and healthy; they have had some real struggles in getting their two babies here. I am planning on going to see them a little later this spring; can't wait!

Sailor Jeff and his wife Nikki are finished with his Navy deployment and will be home tomorrow! They're still working on their plans, but he will be in the Navy reserves, which will give him some income and benefits while they decide what the next step in their lives will be. He did a lot of growing up while in the Navy; I'm very proud of him and Nikki.

We are also having a baptism for 8-year-old grandson, Dylan, on Saturday. And a ward breakfast (we're on the activities committee) in the morning. It should be a good day filled with friends and family activities. I'm just hoping David won't get overwhelmed with it all.

Wishing you all a happy Valentines day!

Dealing with Extreme Anxiety

David went to his Dr. last week. He was suffering from extreme anxiety and lots of joint pain. It's a good thing he did; the Dr. said he was on the verge of a nervous breakdown caused by bipolar. He gave David a complete physical, including blood tests. We're still waiting for the results of those. He also put David on Zyprexa, with the approval of his pdoc. It's so great to have two doctors who work together and take David's illness seriously. All he has to do is call his Dr., and they fit him in almost immediately because they know he's high risk. I'm grateful for them.

The zyprexa is working well for David. It's taken the edge off the noise in his head that was driving him to distraction. He's also been able to get more sleep, which is always nice. His mood was miserably hard to deal with all week, but he's finally coming through the bad cycle. He gets combative, anxious, edgy, and paranoid during mania. I know he's finally coming out of it when he talks to me about what's been going on in his mind, and we can have long, healthy discussions about his illness, and how to better handle it.

I've been keeping a record of his moods since he started this new medicine. And trying to keep my own mood upbeat. Not always an easy thing. I'm still figuring out how to manage my reactions to David's mood cycles. Sometimes I do better than at other times. But one firm rule is to not argue with him when he's manic, and to give him space, while I do my own things. I also rely heavily on faith and prayer to get me through it.

It can be so draining to deal with, but even so, I feel that it's worth the effort. And next week promises to be better. We are expecting a new grandbaby to arrive, and Sailor Jeff and his wife will be coming home for good!

Lessons from 2009

I've been struggling with post-holiday blues (and a case of writer's block), but I'm finally feeling better. Reflecting on the past year helps me put things back in perspective. For us, 2009 was a year of new beginnings, with some important lessons learned.

Some highlights:

We became empty-nesters this year when our youngest daughter, Katie, married her long-time boyfriend, Kevin, in May. In October, we added another granddaughter, Kylee, to the family. Sailor son, Jeff, was deployed to the Persian Gulf in August. He will be finished with his Navy enlistment next month and will be home soon. Soldier Brian graduated from college and was commissioned an officer in the Army. His twin, Ben, finished up his Master's Degree, and applied the credits to start his phD in nuclear engineering. On the same day that Brian graduated, I also graduated after five years of schooling with a degree in Mass Communication. I loved the experience, but I'm glad to be done with the pressure of homework and finals.

We soon discovered that there were some things we enjoy about being empty-nesters. We like being able to take short trips by ourselves, and had fun going to southern Utah twice this year, as well as some fishing trips nearby. We had never lived together by ourselves because we both had three children when we married. Somewhat to our surprise, we find we are glad for the change.

David felt well enough to work on projects around the house for the first time in three years, including our roofing experience and working on his hot rod. We learned that in order for him to work on a project he needs to focus on one thing at a time. And when he starts to feel overwhelmed and confused, to sit down and rest for awhile. He had a few episodes of hypomania and worked all night on something, but he learned to force himself to take breaks and rest. In addition to the hot rod and the roof, he put in pavers for the parking strip and added a screened-porch that we enjoyed through the fall.

He had several bad bouts of depression and mania when he ran away from home, but we slowly have learned how to better cope with it. I'm learning to let him take responsibility for himself, and offer encouragement and support. I've also learned to leave him alone sometimes when he needs space. I was able to go home twice this year, once for my stepmother's funeral and then again at Christmas. It was so helpful to get away for a few days from the routine. And, for the most part, David did all right on his own.

One of the best things about this year has been keeping this blog about our adventure in bipolar land, and becoming acquainted with friends who offer understanding and support. It makes a big difference in how I cope with David's ongoing illness.

What will 2010 bring? Who knows? But I'm grateful for friends and family who bring such joy to my life and an abiding faith in a loving Heavenly Father who never fails to provide comfort and guidance when I need it.

Christmas Vacation

My Christmas vacation was everything I had hoped for. The weather was sunny and beautiful; the little resort town of McCall festive and friendly; we had amazing meals together; opened presents (the best part was watching my 10-year-old nephew's obvious delight with his gifts); and started the first ever family pool tournament (my brother's idea). All but one of my sisters was there, and we had visits from two of my stepbrothers and their families (something we had never been able to do before). There was lots of love and laughter and visiting for four glorious days.

I had developed some congestion in my chest as a result of the bad air quality at home (worse in the nation; not something to be proud of) before I left. The congestion quickly cleared up in the cold, clear, clean air of the mountains, but I ended up with laryngitis, and was reduced to mostly whispering. The only down side of the trip. But that didn't stop me from enjoying one of my favorite things to do with my dad and siblings: walking together in the snowy woods with my 84-year-old dad. Such a treat! We're grateful that he's still in good health and spirits.

It was so nice to get to put aside my role as wife, caregiver, and mother for a few days to focus on being a daughter, sister, and aunt. I came home feeling relaxed and refreshed (even with no voice).

David, unfortunately, didn't have quite as good a time. He was all right when I left, and was looking forward to some visiting and down time. He had a couple of unpleasant conversations where others vented their problems to him. Not a good idea at Christmas when he's sensitive anyway. When I came home he was mildly delusional, but trying hard to maintain his sanity. It took a day or so for him to work through it.

The change back to "normal" life after such a stress-free time has been difficult for me. I have a hard time going from being around positive-thinking people to someone who tends to be negative much of the time. I found some comfort, though, in talking to others on a forum for bipolar spouses. My family tries to understand bipolar disorder, and it helps that one of my brothers is a caseworker in the mental health field, but it's one of those things you have to experience to really understand.

Working with Mood Swings

I recently saw a list at "The Bipolar Spouse" about how not to interact with loved ones who have the disorder. Since I can't seem to link to the page, I thought I'd share them in a condensed form. After looking around the internet, this is the best list I could find on the subject. I have also had to learn the hard way about all of these issues, and I wholeheartedly agree with what he says:
"1. Ignore Suicidal Behavior or Tendencies"2. Fight Back Over Irrational Arguments"When the bipolar cycle shifts into a manic/hypomanic or depressive state, the mood and mindset of our loved on may slip into a very irrational state and the basic sense of reality may also deteriorate. Such arguments may arise that include topics or concerns that are normally not a concern or a threat and there may be no indication as to why the topic has been brought up at all. Choosing to fight back on such topics can be damaging to both parties and can enable our bipolar spouse to view such topics as a true threat and may inhibit some intense reactions and dangerous results if not resolved as soon as possible.
"3. Blame Your Loved One for the Disorder
"Bipolar disorder is developed over time and may generally be handed down genetically from the family tree. Those afflicted with the disorder never ask to be affected, nor have they chosen to host the disorder so it is not fair to simply place blame for the disorder on our loved one and how it affects the relationship. Given the progressive appearance of the relationship, younger individuals may witness the slow appearance of the disorder over time and make false assumptions that the changes are planned out by the afflicted individual. This is not the case and blaming our loved one for allowing the disorder to hurt the relationship is simply not fair to the individual.
"4. Enable Abusive Behavior and Disrespect
"There is a fine line between “acceptance” and “abuse” and unfortunately, even our bipolar loved ones can learn to cross this line during an episode if supporters are not willing to place an appropriate amount of accountability into the relationship. There are indeed occasions where our loved ones may make some irrational decisions and lash out without merit, but if we do not make it known that there is a line that must not be crossed, we as supporters can quickly being to advertise that we are willing to take any amount of such factors without much consequence. Although the disorder can push our loved ones over the edge, we must still maintain respect and love in the relationship.
"5. Digging Up Old Bones
"Bringing up the past can trigger off some intensive anxiety which may induce an expected episode and introduce either old arguments, or previously resolved tensions. Rehashing past mistakes or events can repaint an image that was once forgotten, and during an full-blown episode, that past may become the present again.
"6. Pass Judgment on Irrational Behavior
"Along the lines of placing accountability, we must keep in mind that bipolar disorder’s most common symptom involves driving the afflicted individual to act out on irrational decisions and present very ordinary behavior. Although some of these decisions can be managed, mistakes can be made and if we are willing to forgive and/or forget, this must be an all-or-nothing agreement. Mistakes are just that, mistakes…and they must be become an identifying factor of our loved ones.
"7. Support or Offer Self-Medication
"8. Use Physical Restraint or Violence
"During some manic/hypomanic episodes, frustrations and outright anger may ensue during an outburst or argument. Unless there is a threat to human life, it is imperative that physical restraint or violence is not introduced into the situation (unless performed by a paramedic or other trained professional requiring restraint). Confining or restraining one during an episode may result in firing a trigger which may make the episode ever worse.
"9. Leave Loved One Alone During Episode
"The worst time for our loved ones to be alone is during the high or low end of an episode. In some cases, when left alone due to a walk-out after a fight, abandonment anxiety may set in and spur feelings of worthlessness and a feeling of being unloved. It is during these times that irrationality may take over and dangerous decisions and actions may be made that could potentially be life-threatening.
"10. Making Condescending Statements
"Such remarks that may appear insulting or condescending in nature can only add to the challenges of a bipolar relationship. "Some examples of these remarks are:
“Snap out of it.”
“Stop feeling sorry for yourself.”
“So you’re depressed. Aren’t you always?”
“It’s your own fault.”
“You do this on purpose.”
Worst of all, do not say, “I know how you feel…”

True confession time: I used to raise my voice (OK, yell) at David or slam doors when I was frustrated with his irrational behavior and arguments. Unfortunately, all that accomplished was adding more contention and frustration for both of us, as well as for the children. I eventually learned better ways to react, but it was a long, slow learning process. Now when he's in one of his bad cycles (they do happen even though he tries so hard to control them), I listen to what he means, not necessarily to the words he's saying, watch his body language for clues to his mood, ignore insulting comments and irrational arguments and/or change the subject. When he tells me I'm yelling at him (and I'm not!) I calmly remind him that I am not yelling, I am explaining how I feel. It works MUCH better for both of us. The key is to remain as calm as possible to help him work through his mood swing, especially the dark ones when he says he's feeling "angry and hateful."

I also found some good suggestions on how to deal with biplar disorder at ehow.com. I especially agree with the counsel to NOT take anything he says when in one of his moods personally. He doesn't mean it, and most of the time doesn't even remember what he said.

Even though this illness is hard to deal with on occasion, there are also many happy moments and a strong bond developing between us that makes it worth all the hard work.

Learning Coping Skills

David struggled this last month with increasing bouts of paranoia and mixed episodes. For him, it seems to run in three-month intervals. The pressure and noise in his head, which he calls "buzzing and voices" builds up until the need to run away by himself becomes overwhelming. "Don't take this personally," he says when his illness starts to get the better of him.

Last weekend I was busy with a work-related project, and he went to help our daughter Shannon with her car. He came home and said all he could do was get her the parts she needed, but he couldn't focus enough to repair it. They did, however, have a long talk about his illness to help her understand what's going on with him. And early Sunday morning he left before I got up to take one of his "walks." The weather had turned cool and overcast with rain showers. He came home several hours later, and said, "I'm cold, hungry, tired, and I couldn't find a 'safe place,' so I came home." Welcome words!

When David comes home, I have to fight the urge to smother him with attention and affection until he feels ready to talk. I have learned to make home a comfortable place for him so that he wants to be here. Sometimes that means giving him lots of space. Then, when he's ready, we have a good conversation about his feelings and experiences (not very specific, but enough to help me understand where he's been). I have learned to stay very calm while he's talking, and spend most of the time listening to him. But he also is understanding of my feelings and encourages me to write down what has happened and how I feel about it.

I know he's feeling better when he jokes about "that other guy," and makes fun of the voices (he calls it "THEM") in his head and what they encourage him to do or not do.

We had a similar episode in July. After skimming through Julia Fast's book, "Loving Someone with Bipolar Disorder" and browsing through helpful sites on the Internet, I (finally) figured out what I needed to do during these so very difficult episodes:

1. Remember that I cannot "fix" David. This is a hard one for me. I have a caretaker-type personality, and my instinct is to hover over him, and try to make everything better. There are times when he tells me to leave him alone. I have to respect his wishes, and leave him alone. He use to pick fights with me as an excuse to leave. Now he tells me what's going on with him, and is apologetic.

2. When the urge to leave hits him, there is absolutely nothing I can do or say that will help. The only thing I can do is pray for him and his well-being and safety. I feel comforted and reassured that all will be well. Though, human nature being what it is, I still worry, and as the hours tick by, find myself mentally and emotionally planning for the worst.

3. While he's gone, I keep myself busy instead of pacing, and waiting by the phone for a call. Last July, it coincided with one of my rare days off, so I took myself out for some retail therapy, and had a great time. This time, it fell on general conference weekend, so I listened to the sermons and crocheted baby blankets for 3 more expected grandbabies that are due in the next several months. I can handle the stress better when I do something for myself. For me, I need/want to be left alone when David is gone. I guess it's my way of coping. Our children have been wonderfully supportive of us. Shannon called to see how he was doing, and we had a good conversation about her father. Then, later, when David was home and feeling better, Jon and his family came by with a plate of cookies that their 8-year-old daughter made especially for "Grandpa David." We feel blessed by the care of our children.

I thoroughly enjoyed the shopping trip in July, but there were several messages that I needed to hear this weekend that helped me keep things in perspective.

"We are important to God not because of our résumé but because we are His children. He loves us because He is filled with an infinite measure of holy, pure, and indescribable love. He loves all His children, even those who are flawed, rejected, awkward, sorrowful, or broken. God's love is so great that He loves even the proud, the selfish, the arrogant, and the wicked.
"What this means is that, regardless of our current state, there is hope for us. No matter our distress, no matter our sorrow, no matter our mistakes, our infinitely compassionate Father desires that we draw near to Him so that He can draw near to us.
"We increase our love for God and demonstrate that love by aligning our thoughts and actions with God's word. The pure love of our Heavenly Father ever directs and encourages us to become more pure and holy. It inspires us to walk in righteousness—not out of fear or obligation but out of an earnest desire to be like Him." President Dieter Uchtdorf, Second Counselor in the First Presidency

"Sometimes in our repentance, in our daily effort to become more Christ-like, we find ourselves repeatedly struggling with the same difficulties. Like climbing a tree-covered mountain, at times we don't see our progress until we get closer to the top and look back from the high ridges. Don't be discouraged. If you are striving and working to repent, you are in the process of repenting." Elder Neil L. Andersen, Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

I appreciate these words of counsel and support to help me through the hard times.

Post partum Depression

I read the August 2009 Ensign magazine on Sunday, and came across an excellent article about Postpartum Depression. I'm glad the subject is finally out in the open and being addressed.

I still remember the excruciating emotional pain and bad, bad memories associated with postpartum depression twenty-nine years after I suffered from it. At the time I had no idea what was wrong with me. All I knew was that I had blinding headaches (caused, as it turned out, by an undiagnosed case of whiplash from a car accident the week before my daughter was born), crying spells, and little energy to take care of my 3 young children, a small married-student apartment and a demanding student-husband. I had been a happy-go-lucky person before, and it was confusing to me as to why the world suddenly seemed dark and hopeless. It would have been good to know what was happening, and may have helped my then-husband be more compassionate. I didn't have a name for what I had gone through until ten years later when I was expecting Katie, and the Dr. gave me a pamphlet on the subject. The lights went on, and I was finally able to start letting go of that part of the past.

There were a few things that I did to help myself during those dark days, including dragging myself and 3 babies to church every Sunday (the friendships and messages there were very comforting and helped me get through the week), listening to uplifting music and sermons, relying on prayer, thanks to the encouragement of my home teachers who came by at a critical moment to give me some desperately needed emotional support and a prayer, and reading scriptures and the Ensign.

A few years later I found myself working at the Ensign, and spent 25 years there doing typesetting and production work. It was a real joy and a great blessing to be associated with the magazine and the people who produce it. Over the years they have printed some fine articles about social and emotional health issues from a religious, spiritual viewpoint. I thought I'd include links to some of them, hoping that they might be of help:

* "Bipolar Disorder: My Lessons in Love, Hope, and Peace" January 2009.

* "Myths about Mental Illness," October 2005.

* "When Your Child is Depressed," August 2004.

* "Easing the Burdens of Mental Illness," October 2001.

* "Suicide: Some Things We Know, and Some We Do Not," October 1987.

Last year the LDS Church launched a site dedicated to helping family members, leaders and teachers reach out to those who have several different types of health challenges, including mental and emotional challenges. The site is still in the early stages, with more upgrades being planned, but the response has been overwhelmingly positive. The section about mental illness has basic, general information on the subject, along with some tips on how to help those who struggle, and additional links to other websites and articles. I especially appreciate the teaching ideas because David struggles with attending church on Sunday. The site is still new, but I expect that as the word about it spreads, it will be a help and comfort to those who come across it.

When I was working on my final paper, I was happy to find a newspaper story about a group of social work students at BYU who saw a need for clergy members to find answers when dealing with the mental health concerns of their congregations. All of these efforts and many others like them are important steps to reducing the stigma associated with mental health issues.

David has been struggling with his moods again, but he works hard to keep them under control. It helped that Sunday our home teacher and friend came by and spent an hour patiently listening to David talk about some of his concerns. We went on a walk afterward, and when he saw a friend's swamp cooler still covered, he asked them if they needed help with it. He says he decided that instead of complaining about what happened with our roofing episode, he was going to make the effort to reach out to others more. I am thrilled with the change of attitude.

Journal Entries

Jeff left this morning for his deployment aboard the Nimitz. It's going to be a long six months until he's home again! And Soldier Brian leaves today for Ft. Lee Virginia and the last of his Army officer training. He will be done in October.

Sometimes I go post journal entries about my military kids at a site for military parents. When David was diagnosed with his disorder two years ago I added some thoughts about what he was going through. When I updated my journal this morning, I decided to add some of those entries here. It certainly has been a wild ride.

At the moment I'm busy working on my LAST paper (due next week), and dealing with David's mixed episodes that have been fairly intense, but he's slowly doing better.

Sep 22, 2007
I had intended to keep this journal just for the military kids, but I think that on occasion I'm going to talk about David and the battle we are in for his mental health. I find that I'm responding to this much as I do when my boys are deployed—disbelief, grief, worry, small joys, the need to find out everything I can about it, etc. It feels like another type of roller coaster ride.

I went with him to the Dr. again on Tuesday after a bad weekend and my b-day, and after the Dr. consulted with the clinic psychiatrist, he left some meds for David at the reception desk. After 1 1/2 days of dragging his feet, and several discussions about why he needs them, he picked them up!! I know it's a little thing, but I'm DELIGHTED! I just hope he'll take them, and they'll help. He goes back to the Dr. in 2 weeks for a consultation, and we'll see what happens then. I went to my bishop and he gave me some needed counsel and comfort, and I managed to survive a magazine class writing assignment and mass comm law test, so life is looking better today.

Jeff called Monday, just as they were leaving Hawaii for the trip home! He sounded happy, and he and Jon were having a good time together. (They were on the last leg of a deployment, and the "Tiger Cruise" is when a family member can join the ship in Hawaii for the trip to San Diego.) The captain left one of his much-appreciated recorded messages about leaving Hawaii as a full rainbow appeared over Diamond Head, and a list of some of the activities they have planned for the trip home. I can hardly wait to see my boys again!

Oct. 20, 2007
David and I went to the psychiatrist on Wednesday, and he was diagnosed with bipolar type 1 disorder and ADHD. That means that he has the type with extreme mood swings happening often (like every day). He's coming to terms with this illness, and is taking some meds that are really helping so far. He also likes the dr., and has been talking to me a lot about what's going on in his mind, and the bishop gave him a blessing, which helps. I'm truly grateful for all the help and understanding from our congregation members who know about this. I've been collecting info about this disorder, and in the near future (when I can figure out how to coordinate schedules) we're going to have a family meeting about what's going on with their dad, and how they can help. Jon has been an absolute angel about spending time with his dad and checking up on him regularly. It's a real comfort to have him only 5 minute away from us.

My job has also been extra stressful with preparing talks given by Church leaders 2 weeks ago for publication. As stressful as it is, though, there's a lot of comfort found in the messages. Said one leader: "It is our faith in Jesus Christ that sustains us at the crossroads of life’s journey. It is the first principle of the gospel. Without it we will spin our wheels at the intersection, spending our precious time but getting nowhere. It is Christ who offers the invitation to follow Him, to give Him our burden, and to carry His yoke, “for [His] yoke is easy, and [His] burden is light” (Matthew 11:30)."

March 5, 2008
David got his disability approved today!! I can't even express how REALLY excited I am! This means that because David has a mental illness, I'm legally in charge of the money and can use it to pay bills—we can even meet our obligations. It's a long story about why I'm so thrilled, but it's a huge relief. He's been struggling badly with anxiety and depression with worrying about the family finances (if he only knew . . . that's one of the hard things about having a spouse with a mental illness. There are some similarities to being a single parent, especially where money is concerned, and I hate that), and Katie's 18th birthday. He went into deep mourning about it because she's his baby girl and he's having a hard time with the idea of her growing up and leaving home before too long. I'm hoping that with at least one thing taken care of he'll calm down a bit. I personally rather enjoy the idea. The 2 dogs and the cat make up for the lack of children at home and keep us entertained.

April 30, 2008
David is hanging in there, but he isn't taking his meds right now, and I'm a little anxious about how long it'll be before he crashes again. Brittany suggested I grind his meds and put them in his drink. (Seriously tempting idea!) I've decided it's similar to raising another teen; he's going to have to take responsibility for his condition and deal with the consequences.

June 30, 2008
It has been a crazy month. Lara came home for a visit from Oaxaca, Mexico. I'm so happy to see her again after 3 long years since they moved there. Katie graduated from high school (our last, and it's so nice to be done with public schools after 25 years!)

We had a party at Jon's house, but David wasn't feeling well, so he stayed home. When we got back, we discovered that he had been throwing up blood, and he FINALLY agreed to go to the hospital. At the same time, Riley cut himself on something outside, was bleeding, and needed help. Lara took charge of Riley, and while David was getting ready to go to the hospital I called Wes (our son-in-law) and Ben, who were still at Jon's house to come give David a priesthood blessing. No sooner were they done, when David threw up more blood and collapsed! Ben called 911, and Wes performed first-aid for shock (that military training really came in handy). Lara and Brittany went to the store to get first-aid supplies for the dog, and when they got back, the ambulance was there.

It turned out that David had a bleeding ulcer, ended up in intensive care for the night. They ended up having to do emergency surgery, and his psychiatrist came in the next day and adjusted his meds to a coated lithium. He recovered without complications, but he's awfully weak still.

 Jeff and Nikki came home, and we had a small reception for them. It turned out to be a nice event. Now it's vacation time: to Idaho to see my family and go rafting on the Salmon River!

August 26, 2008
It's 1:30 a.m., and I really should be asleep, but we just heard about David's dad's passing. He and Jonathan are with his mother, and it's very fitting that they should be together, but I can't sleep, and thought I'd unwind a bit by writing. We will miss Grandpa, but I know this must be a relief for him, and I don't doubt that he's having a grand reunion with his 2 children and other loved ones who have gone before him. I feel really sorry for his brother---he lost his only sister in May, and now in 2 days time, both his only brother and one of his grandchildren. David is handling this about as well as can be expected. He's been doing much better with his moods ever since he had that bleeding ulcer and Ben and Wes gave him a blessing of health. He still has bouts of depression and anxiety, but he's learning how to handle it better, and I'm grateful. His stomach is still giving him problems, but he's resisting going to the doctor---just like a man!

Sat. Oct. 4, 2008
We've survived the last month all right. It was one of those times in life when you wonder how you'll get through everything, and breathe a huge sigh of relief when things finally calm down. David ended up in the hospital with viral meningitis the same weekend as his dad's funeral. Unfortunately, the meds and the meningitis didn't play well with the bipolar, and it was really tense (with another "wandering" episode) before we realized that the narcotics he was on for the meningitis pain was causing hallucinations. He simply cannot have that kind of medicine any more. He's finally doing better, and as he says, he'll never be "normal," he's at least back to where he was emotionally. The change in weather is always hard for him, but he's pretty good about taking his meds.

The funeral was a bittersweet experience. Lara left for Mexico the week before, so she couldn't be here, but both Jeff and Brian were able to come. In the interest of full disclosure, I have to admit that I wasn't at my best. We planned the funeral Tuesday, and it was an all day episode. I kept saying that I'd call the boys when we were home (because I left my address book at home, and couldn't remember their numbers), but we got home later than expected, so I left a message for Ben to call Brian, and I made a 2 minute call to Jeff (we had to go to our night job, and I was in a hurry). He ended up texting Brian about getting emergency leave. Poor Brian! He told me later that was the absolute worst way to hear about a death in the family. It WAS good to have them here for the weekend. They both look wonderful, and it was so nice to have them home.

My only excuse was that I was under extreme stress with the funeral, and David's illness. In addition to that, school started the same week! I ended up only taking the blogging class (very fun), and I'll take the last one in the spring. I also had to move out of my office to the secretary's desk. Very, very upsetting! I'm finally settling down again. I've learned that during high-stress times that after I stop whining (and I do spend more time whining than I probably should), if I will focus on what I can do, and leave the rest up to God, I can survive and learn from the experience. I do like my job at the teen magazine, and the people I work with are amazing. I'm looking forward to my trip to Ottawa, Canada, in another 2 weeks. We've been working hard at improving the magazine's website at www.newera.lds.org.

Setting Boundaries

David's mood is still very much up and down: he becomes a little hypomanic for a short time, then it's right back to depression.

The other day he really hit bottom. When that happens, the schizoaffective part kicks in, he puts on his "traveling clothes" and becomes obsessed with wandering away. He says something like: "I need to quit taking my meds and see what's out there for me. I have to know what's at the end of the road. I have to go away by myself." Every time he gets like this I mentally start to plan his funeral because there's no way of knowing where he'll end up.

The only thing I can do is put my arms around him so he can't leave and let him talk through it. It's such a relief when he finally says that he'll take his meds, changes back into his regular clothes, and becomes more rational. We also talk about what would happen if he did leave or if something happens to him. This last time he told me he wants his funeral to take place early in the morning because it's his favorite time of day. Sunsets really bother him. Fortunately, after it's all over with, he doesn't remember much of what happened. He says when he's like this he has a hard time distinguishing reality from hallucinations. He is, however, becoming more aware of when this mood is coming upon him. And when he says something hurtful, he apologizes to me. The whole thing is so emotionally draining!

We've been talking a lot lately about boundaries to behavior. One of the best things about David is that years ago he decided what his personal boundaries are (no drinking, drugs, cheating, etc.), and has stayed true to them, even when he has the urge to do all of those things and more. My job is to help him remember and keep his boundaries intact. One of the ways he does that is to go to church and pray frequently. Another is to go to a gym to work through his frustrations and temptations and to visit with his friends who understand where he's coming from.

I admire him for his strength. I know it's ten times harder for him to make and keep healthy choices than for those who don't have this disorder. As he frequently says: "I wake up every day and have to fight to be normal."

On a happier note: I took a test this morning, and I feel pretty good about it. Only one more test and a paper to go! Hooray!

Summer class

I'm taking my last class at the U this summer. I had planned to take it online, but that didn't work out, and now I'm really glad. "Analysis of Argument" is a great class to end this portion of my schooling with. It's about how to plan and present a logical discussion on a topic.
We're supposed to do a paper on a subject of our choice, using the methods taught in the class. My topic, big surprise, is: "Resolved: The U.S. government should allocate more of its social service funding to educate the general population, officers, clergy, and family members about mental illness."
We have a mid-term test on Tuesday, and an outline for our case due July 2. I'm a tad nervous about the test, but excited to get started on the outline. As the semester progresses, I plan to post what I learn.
Our Sailor son, Jeff, and his wife will also be here next month before he's deployed for 6 months to the Persian Gulf. I'm looking forward to having them home for a few weeks, but not looking forward to the deployment.

Reflections on 2008

I've been watching the AP article about New Years Eve off and on all day. That's one of the wonders of the Internet: keeping up with events as they happen.
In addition to world and national events, 2008 was a momentous year for our family.
Some of the highlights:
1. Our youngest son, Jeff, called on Christmas Day from San Diego and announced he was getting married on January 5. Our two families hurriedly put together their wedding, and it was a resounding success. We're happy to have Nikki added to our family.
2. The arrival of grandbaby #13, Elizabeth (Libby) Jean, in March. Her parents, Brian and Tania, struggled for 7 years to get her here. We're grateful for her arrival.
3. David finally started getting his bipolar under control and did a great job of accepting the diagnosis. After 8 months of trying different types of medicine, he was put on lithium, which is helping to take the edge off of his mood swings. We also got his disability payments approved. That alone has helped ease our financial burdens.
4. Our daughter Lara, who lives in Mexico, spent the summer visiting with us. We hadn't seen her for 3 years, and it was such a joy to have her home.
5. Our youngest daughter, Katie, graduated from high school (I'm so happy to be done with public schools!), started school at the community college, and got engaged to her long-time boyfriend, Kevin.
6. I settled into my new job assignment as secretary/editor for the New Era magazine (the magazine for youth in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, and got to go on my first travel assignment: to Ottawa, Canada in October. It was all around a great experience, and I am enjoying the change after 25 years of working as a typesetter/production assistant.
Some of the lowlights:
1. One of our daughters divorced, leaving her as a single mother with 2 young children.
2. David was hospitalized twice in three months. We nearly lost him in June to a bleeding ulcer. Fortunately our son Ben and son-in-law Wes were able to give him a blessing of health just before he collapsed and ended up in the hospital for 3 days. David had had serious trouble with hallucinations and hearing voices before that blessing; afterwards, the voices and hallucinations stopped. He still hears some noise, but it isn't nearly as intense as before.
3. The last week of August was especially intense: On Sunday, David's dad was admitted to the hospital because of Alzheimer disease. On Monday, I began taking a blogging class at the University, David started getting sick, and his dad passed away. On Wednesday, in between helping to plan the funeral and trying to take care of David, I had to move out of my office and move to the secretary's desk. On Thursday, David ended up in the emergency room for 4 hours with a severe headache. On Friday he nearly collapsed during the funeral. On Sunday he was admitted to the hospital for 3 days and was diagnosed with viral meningitis.
We're hoping 2009 will be a calmer year.

Learning about Bipolar Disorder

I knew early in our marriage that David's mood swings weren't "normal," but I didn't know where to go for information, and he was in denial about his moods. Fortunately when he came to accept the diagnosis, my brother Kent, who works as a case worker for a mental health group, and another friend gave us some material that helped us learn what to expect. I also found my way to the Internet, and have been able to find a wealth of information about the disease and treatment of it. I noticed that some sites, like this, are sponsored by drug companies. I'm glad they have these sites because the information is still valuable, whether we use their product or not. Other sites are sponsored by nonprofit groups, such as at psychcentral and dbsalliance. When David had one of his catatonic "wanderings" last year I contacted someone in our area who was associated with dbsalliance, and their support was very helpful.

I recently started reading blogs written by those with BPD, such as this one, and they give me additional insight that I wouldn't otherwise have. David has been really good about telling me how he's feeling, but I'm too close to him emotionally to be completely objective, and it helps to read about other people's experiences. The images found through googling "bipolar images" like these are very moving and creative expressions of their lives. This video is a poetic representation that helps me understand how my husband feels. I especially like the image of the rollercoaster, because that is also how it feels to live with someone who has the disorder. The last phrase, "Remember: with the right treatment there is hope" should be given to all those suffering from it.

Our Story: The Condensed Version

Bipolar disorder doesn't just affect the people who have it; it also affects their friends, family, acquaintances, and loved ones. Living with a spouse or significant other with bipolar disorder can be frustrating, irritating, confusing, baffling, frightening at times, and on occasion just plain overwhelming. One thing about it is that it isn't boring. I never really know what to expect from David, even now that he's taking his medicine and is reasonably stable.

When we were married 22 years ago, we had both been divorced and brought 6 young children, ranging in age from 4 to 10, with us into the marriage. It has not been easy, partly because we were dealing with broken and blended family issues, and partly because our children (now numbering 9) are energetic, strong-willed, high-spirited individuals. We now realize that some of our problems were caused by David's disorder, which was only diagnosed last year as bipolar 1, schizoaffective disorder. Fortunately we all survived the experience, and our children are law-abiding, productive members of society.

    For most of the time we have been married, David has dealt with mood swings and difficulties in keeping a job. Until last year, he was functioning all right and learning to keep his moods under control. Then he lost another job, and his illness took a turn for the worse. After several weeks of not being able to concentrate, struggling with hallucinations, and taking long walks when he was almost catatonic, he agreed to see a doctor. It was a relief to have a name for what was happening to him, and at the same time frightening because we knew so little about the disorder. This is what I wrote at the time: "We had a long, very interesting and helpful talk about what is happening to him, and I'm still digesting this piece of news. Fortunately, most of the time he's rational and able to tell me what is going on in his mind. I don't know much about this disease, and I have a million more questions than answers. I just feel my husband has been handed a life sentence for an incurable, but hopefully treatable disease. This feels overwhelming. One of my questions is what do I tell the kids? Another is how in the world am I going to find the time to deal with taking care of him and everything else?"

    Some of the answers have come easier than others, and I have learned how to cope better, but we are still learning and growing with this challenge.

    David and I saw a clip about mental illness a few nights ago on TV. We were delighted to see it because we feel that the more the public knows about mental illness, the easier it is to get understanding and better treatment. And every time I hear a public service announcement or read an article encouraging those with the disorder to get help or asking others to learn more about mental illness, I smile to myself and hope it is reaching someone who needs the message.