David's Health Issues

"Perseverance and spirit have done wonder in all ages"---George Washington

I came across that quote during the 4th of July weekend when I started reading David McCullough's book "1776." This is a great one about the first year of the Revolutionary War with George Washington and the Continental Army. I am in awe of those who were involved in an effort where everything seemed stacked against them. Brave men and women indeed.

One of my favorite things is to relax with a good book. I don't get the chance very often, and it's a real treat when I find some extra time. David's ulcer has been bothering him, so while he rested, I read.

I read a lot when I was growing up, and had a tendency to block everything else out. My family used to tease me that if I was reading a good book the house could burn around me and I wouldn't notice. I used to hide out in the library and read during lunch hours when I was in high school. Then one day a friend came into the library, told me I needed to socialize more than I needed to read another book, gathered everything up, and nearly dragged me to the lunchroom where some mutual friends were. He was right, and I learned to put a limit on how much recreational reading I did.

We ended up having a nice, quiet long weekend, except that we had to miss a family BBQ. David felt progressively worse during the weekend, and finally went to the dr. He ended up having a scope and biopsy yesterday (the 13th). The initial reports are good. The dr. who did the scope is the same one who did his emergency operation when he had a bleeding ulcer two years ago. She said that he's looking much better and thinks the problem is acid reflux.

David came through the procedure well, and his mood is a little blue but stable. I appreciate the fact that he usually can monitor how he's feeling and knows what he needs to do to keep stable. I have a tendency to hover over him when I think he's vulnerable, which irritates him. So I am learning to control that motherly instinct and walk away when he needs to be alone with his thoughts.

In addition to that stress, the company that we work for part-time lost the contract the building that we clean. While it is upsetting, I actually don't mind. I was getting really tired of working 2 jobs. We're hoping they will have something else for David to do. He really needs a part-time job to help him focus and stay calm.

That's why I like the quote by George Washington. It fits my life.

It's been one of "those" months

David's moods often reminds me of winter weather. Like overcast skies and stormy days, his mood lately has been mostly gloomy with occasional patches of light. He's been struggling again with depression, more hallucinations, and an obsession with my body image.
This particular round has also been hard on me, and I realize that I need to explore some better coping techniques. Part of the problem for me has been that daily verbal attacks mostly about my weight, and ongoing financial challenges has taken a toll on my sense of worth.
On days when I wonder how I can keep going, I remember the words of a poem that one of my favorite high school teachers, Richard Pratt, taught me years ago:
I can't—a poor, pale, puny imp
Too lazy to work and from every duty does shirk.
I can—a giant, unbending he stands.
And he can conquer who thinks he can
In spite of the throngs who doubt him.

As with all storms, however, this one seems to be lifting at last, and I see some signs of improvement. Yesterday when I came home from work he surprised me with these flowers! I seldom get flowers, and I especially appreciate these:


It's a welcome reminder that every storm eventually ends.