Time Flies on Wings of Lightning

Time flies on wings of lightning
We cannot call it back. It comes, then passes forward Along its onward track.

And if we are not mindful, The chance will fade away,

For life is quick in passing. 'Tis as a single day. (Hymns, no. 226)

That about sums up what's been going on with us. Before I realize it, another week, then two, then three have passed since I last wrote.

Improve the shining moments; Don't let them pass you by.

Work while the sun is radiant; Work, for the night draws nigh.

We cannot bid the sunbeams To lengthen out their stay,

Nor can we ask the shadow To ever stay away.

I took some days off a few weeks ago. We spent one day fishing at Lost Creek, and then I spent two glorious days cleaning the house. It feels so nice to have clean(er) closets that I don't have to risk life and limb to get into. I also (sort of) organized the camping gear and put it away for the season. Organization is not one of my strong points, but I feel better about the state of the house.

I have also been extra busy at work with some writing projects, including 2 stories about leadership from the Spokane trip. I enjoy writing, but it does take a lot of time and effort with lots and lots of revisions and rewriting. I feel good about the end product, though, and appreciate the help from coworkers on making it a stronger article.

David has, for the most part, been stable with bouts of depression thrown in for good measure. Last week we helped out with a ward halloween party, and that put him in a better frame of mind. We had a potluck dinner of soup and chili, with pie for desert. Then the children went to 4 different decorated rooms in the building for "trick-or-treating." David interacts well with friends from the ward, and our son Jeff and his wife, Nikki, came for the festivities. A good time was had by all.

I have been doing some knitting and crocheting projects; I'm definitely a beginner, but it is relaxing to work on something. I'm not brave enough (yet) to try anything more than baby blankets, but I'll get there. I think of my grandma when I knit; it was something she loved to do, and taught me the skill when I was in high school. Somewhere along the way I quit doing needle work, then picked it up again a few years ago. I like it so much I can't imagine why I put it down in the first place.

I also started work on a HUGE family history project: scanning family history photos into the computer. That's something else that I feel strongly about doing, and hope to keep working on it through the winter months.

As winter time doth follow The pleasant summer days,

So may our joys all vanish And pass far from our gaze.

Then should we not endeavor Each day some point to gain,

That we may here be useful And ev'ry wrong disdain?

I am taking tomorrow off for our upcoming 24th anniversary. We plan on going fishing again. The weather is beautiful this week, and it seems like a good idea to take advantage of the last of the good weather. Besides, a day of knitting and reading sounds really good right now.

Back from a Long Weekend

We had our annual family camping trip last weekend. We had been planning this for a month or so, even though half of the family couldn't come because of work and other obligations. (Sometimes it feels like herding cats trying to accommodate everyone's busy schedules.) We were getting excited about going when we had word that one of David's aunts passed away following a long illness. We didn't know what the funeral plans were until Thursday afternoon, which was when we had planned to leave for the mountains. The upset about the funeral plus the stress of packing for a trip sent David into a manic episode, but we finally left Thursday evening. By Friday noon, the mountains had worked their calming magic for him, and we ended up having a good time. He loves being in the mountains, finding serenity in the beautiful scenery. That is where he is at his relaxed best.

Three of our daughters, their families, and David's ex, Bette, joined us Friday afternoon. Bette has joined us on a number of camping trips over the years, and we enjoy being with her. She has been great at helping me to understand David, and on occasion we have been known to "gang up" on him to get him to behave.

We were at Lily Lake in the Uintah Mountains, much to 3-year-old Lily's delight. David taught the 5 grandchildren who were there how to fish, and gave them some poles without hooks to practice casting out into the lake. We also hiked around the small lake, and relaxed. The kids had fun running around, playing hide and seek, building a fort, and having "smarshmallows" in the evening. The weather even cooperated. This was Lily's first real camping trip, and she had a great time observing all that was going on and keeping up with the bigger kids. Watching the kids have such a good time made all the effort and stress involved worth it.





The dogs were also in heaven running through the long grass near the lake. By the time we left they were so tired they could hardly move. But they were happy.

On Monday David and I spent the day with his mother driving to her sister's funeral, and then taking some time to locate and visit family grave sites. The weather was pleasant, and the funeral very moving and thought-provoking. I have been thinking of my own mother's passing lately, and the speakers reminded me of important and soothing truths about the purpose of this life. I realized again that family members past and present are an important part of who we are and that we best honor them by the way we live our lives.

David did well through the funeral and the drive home, but the last two days have been difficult for him. He slipped into depression, thinking about all the possible "what ifs." One of the reasons for this latest sadness is that it is the 2-year anniversary of his father's passing from Alzheimer's. He does tell me about how he's feeling, but I worry about his lack of energy and wonder how long this cycle will last.

When he was manic while preparing for the camping trip I was also stressed, and decided to try some deep breathing for a few minutes. While it didn't work miracles, it did help me relax a bit and focus on what needed to be done. We go through pre-trip mania every time we go somewhere, and even though I know it's going to happen, it's still frustrating and nerve-wracking. Even though camping is a lot of work, I still enjoy going.

Back from R&R

Usually I try to do too much during a vacation and come home tired, but last week's vacation was just the right mix of activity and rest. And, to make it even better, David's test results came back and were good: he does have some esophagus problems because of acid reflux, but the rest looked all right. He's been feeling much better as he takes the stomach medicine he was prescribed, and his mood has been mostly upbeat.

He had a wonderful time camping and fishing for 2 days with our daughter Shannon and her 2 children, 8-year-old Gabby and 4-year-old Brad. They went to a high mountain lake that they had mostly to themselves and enjoyed the view, the fishing, and the company. It was just what he needed. Camping and fishing are the best medicine in the world for him.

I love going to McCall, Idaho, a small resort town located around a beautiful lake and forested mountains. I feel my stress level getting lower almost as soon as I get there. All of my brothers and sisters were there for part of the time, and I had fun visiting with them and our beloved 85-year-old dad. There was a nice mix of good conversation, good food, fun activities, and time to relax and read an interesting book. And for an added bonus, the weather was just right: warm during the days and cool at night.

We went on morning walks to the lake pictured above, hiked up to a mountain lake, took a chair lift to the top of the mountain at the local ski report for breathtaking views, and went on a day rafting trip on the main fork of the Salmon River.

View from the top of the ski hill.

Mountain lake we hiked to. Rafting on the Salmon. Such beautiful country!

I love rafting on the Salmon with my family. My brother knows the river well and we have a good time visiting, laughing, and enjoying the ride. The river has a strong current, which is why it is known as the "river of no return." In addition to the rapids (so fun! Like a water roller coaster), there are long stretches of calm, clear green water. The river flows at its own pace and reminds me that life is also flowing along as it should, with stressful times as well as tranquil moments. We need to have both present in our lives. I always feel renewed in body and spirit after a day on the river. No wonder my brother lives for it!

Photos of the Salmon River near Riggins, Idaho.

This week verified again to me the importance of getting regular rest and relaxation. We need it to keep our troubles in perspective, and to give our bodies time to rest and heal. I came home happy, rested, and ready to carry on with my life and its challenges.

Lessons from 2009

I've been struggling with post-holiday blues (and a case of writer's block), but I'm finally feeling better. Reflecting on the past year helps me put things back in perspective. For us, 2009 was a year of new beginnings, with some important lessons learned.

Some highlights:

We became empty-nesters this year when our youngest daughter, Katie, married her long-time boyfriend, Kevin, in May. In October, we added another granddaughter, Kylee, to the family. Sailor son, Jeff, was deployed to the Persian Gulf in August. He will be finished with his Navy enlistment next month and will be home soon. Soldier Brian graduated from college and was commissioned an officer in the Army. His twin, Ben, finished up his Master's Degree, and applied the credits to start his phD in nuclear engineering. On the same day that Brian graduated, I also graduated after five years of schooling with a degree in Mass Communication. I loved the experience, but I'm glad to be done with the pressure of homework and finals.

We soon discovered that there were some things we enjoy about being empty-nesters. We like being able to take short trips by ourselves, and had fun going to southern Utah twice this year, as well as some fishing trips nearby. We had never lived together by ourselves because we both had three children when we married. Somewhat to our surprise, we find we are glad for the change.

David felt well enough to work on projects around the house for the first time in three years, including our roofing experience and working on his hot rod. We learned that in order for him to work on a project he needs to focus on one thing at a time. And when he starts to feel overwhelmed and confused, to sit down and rest for awhile. He had a few episodes of hypomania and worked all night on something, but he learned to force himself to take breaks and rest. In addition to the hot rod and the roof, he put in pavers for the parking strip and added a screened-porch that we enjoyed through the fall.

He had several bad bouts of depression and mania when he ran away from home, but we slowly have learned how to better cope with it. I'm learning to let him take responsibility for himself, and offer encouragement and support. I've also learned to leave him alone sometimes when he needs space. I was able to go home twice this year, once for my stepmother's funeral and then again at Christmas. It was so helpful to get away for a few days from the routine. And, for the most part, David did all right on his own.

One of the best things about this year has been keeping this blog about our adventure in bipolar land, and becoming acquainted with friends who offer understanding and support. It makes a big difference in how I cope with David's ongoing illness.

What will 2010 bring? Who knows? But I'm grateful for friends and family who bring such joy to my life and an abiding faith in a loving Heavenly Father who never fails to provide comfort and guidance when I need it.