Cub Scout Adventures

At the beginning of the year I was asked to help with the cub scout program in my ward. We live in an older neighborhood, and right now we only have 2 boys in the program. They are delightful, and I am enjoying this assignment. We started out with a pinewood derby, and since we have so few boys, there wasn't a lot of competition, but they and their younger siblings and dads had fun racing their cars.

Pinewood Derby

At the fire station

Then, a few weeks ago, we visited a local fire station. Fireman Gary showed us around the station,  taught us the difference between fire trucks and engines (engines have water tanks), showed us his gear, let the boys try them on, and talked about fire prevention. Just as he finished putting his gear away, they received an emergency call and had to leave. The boys watched with wide eyes as the firefighters sprang into action, and left the station with sirens blaring. It was a good reminder about how important it is to be prepared for emergencies.
Fireman Gary also talked at some length about working together with other firefighters and fire stations to put out fires. As he put it, "we can't put out a fire alone. We work as a team to control fires and to help those who need help." And so it is with mental health issues. We have learned how important it is to work with each other and the doctors to control David's illness. It's important to have a mental health team to maintain mental health.


Update on the family: We've been happy that David hasn't had a serious psychotic episode this winter, but he has had his share of ups and downs. Right now he is working through a mixed episode, likely triggered by worrying about money and my health (I've been fighting a nasty sinus infection for the last several weeks).
His doctor prescribed Perphenazine toward the end of January. An anti-psychotic drug, it seems to be doing its job. David says his dreams and moods aren't as dark since he's been using it, and he's sleeping better. However, as with most medicines, it also has possible side effects, which is why it is so important that he keep seeing his dr. and having his blood checked.
Soldier Brian and his family welcomed their new baby, Henry this week. We also had grandchildren Brad and Gabby spend a weekend with us, and had fun taking them on a walk along the river, and having some neighbor children over. Our house felt alive again with the noise of children laughing and running around. I find that we are more patient with the grandchildren than we were with their parents. I suppose because we don't have the day-to-day responsibility for them, but also because we're aware of how fast children grow up, and this time with them is precious.

Back from a Long Weekend

We had our annual family camping trip last weekend. We had been planning this for a month or so, even though half of the family couldn't come because of work and other obligations. (Sometimes it feels like herding cats trying to accommodate everyone's busy schedules.) We were getting excited about going when we had word that one of David's aunts passed away following a long illness. We didn't know what the funeral plans were until Thursday afternoon, which was when we had planned to leave for the mountains. The upset about the funeral plus the stress of packing for a trip sent David into a manic episode, but we finally left Thursday evening. By Friday noon, the mountains had worked their calming magic for him, and we ended up having a good time. He loves being in the mountains, finding serenity in the beautiful scenery. That is where he is at his relaxed best.

Three of our daughters, their families, and David's ex, Bette, joined us Friday afternoon. Bette has joined us on a number of camping trips over the years, and we enjoy being with her. She has been great at helping me to understand David, and on occasion we have been known to "gang up" on him to get him to behave.

We were at Lily Lake in the Uintah Mountains, much to 3-year-old Lily's delight. David taught the 5 grandchildren who were there how to fish, and gave them some poles without hooks to practice casting out into the lake. We also hiked around the small lake, and relaxed. The kids had fun running around, playing hide and seek, building a fort, and having "smarshmallows" in the evening. The weather even cooperated. This was Lily's first real camping trip, and she had a great time observing all that was going on and keeping up with the bigger kids. Watching the kids have such a good time made all the effort and stress involved worth it.





The dogs were also in heaven running through the long grass near the lake. By the time we left they were so tired they could hardly move. But they were happy.

On Monday David and I spent the day with his mother driving to her sister's funeral, and then taking some time to locate and visit family grave sites. The weather was pleasant, and the funeral very moving and thought-provoking. I have been thinking of my own mother's passing lately, and the speakers reminded me of important and soothing truths about the purpose of this life. I realized again that family members past and present are an important part of who we are and that we best honor them by the way we live our lives.

David did well through the funeral and the drive home, but the last two days have been difficult for him. He slipped into depression, thinking about all the possible "what ifs." One of the reasons for this latest sadness is that it is the 2-year anniversary of his father's passing from Alzheimer's. He does tell me about how he's feeling, but I worry about his lack of energy and wonder how long this cycle will last.

When he was manic while preparing for the camping trip I was also stressed, and decided to try some deep breathing for a few minutes. While it didn't work miracles, it did help me relax a bit and focus on what needed to be done. We go through pre-trip mania every time we go somewhere, and even though I know it's going to happen, it's still frustrating and nerve-wracking. Even though camping is a lot of work, I still enjoy going.

Payday Weekend

We had one of those great weekends that cause us to stop and count our blessings.

We had a family halloween party on Saturday with most of the kids and grandkids in the area (the family with the new baby was excused). It was so much fun to watch 6 of our grandchildren, ages 2 to 8, play together and do some arts and crafts projects, while we visited with our children. Two of them spent Saturday night and most of Sunday with us. We had a good time playing together, and reading a pop-up book of the "Wizard of Oz." They went to church with us, and 7-year-old Gabby sang in the Primary music program. She said, "And I wasn't even scared because I was in a school program." We were proud.

Then, on Sunday, our Soldier Brian came into town for a short visit before heading to Ft. Lewis, and his family. We haven't been able to see him in a year, and he looks wonderful. He just finished five months of officer training on the east coast. Every time I see him I'm impressed by how much he's grown in confidence. I am so very proud of my brand-new Army officer. Sailor Jeff's wife is in town for some schooling, and they talked about military life and argued over which branch of service is better. (Jeff is doing fine on his deployment, but we miss him badly.)

I couldn't help but look back and think of where we were 15 years ago. It wasn't pretty. At the time, we had 5 teenage children, ages 13 to 17, struggling with broken- and blended-family issues, 2 young children at home, and 2 daughters living with their mother. David was undiagnosed, and reacting badly to family stress. Of course, it didn't help when the kids pushed his buttons, as most will do when frustrated. They were a close-knit group, and frequently egged each other on. (Oh, the stories I could tell!)

I knew David had some emotional problems, but I couldn't convince him of that. One time when he had an emotional break I was able to get him into a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, the dr. was more interested in overmedicating David and pushing us out the door. It took another 10 years to get him back to a doctor. I went to a family counselor for several years who helped me through some of the worst times, but he never talked to me about the possibility of David having a mental illness. His counsel helped, but it would have been much more helpful if he had given me some coping skills for David's obvious mental health issues.

Time passed (quickly, it now seems, although at the time I wondered if it would ever end) and our house emptied out within just a few years. Jon left for the Marines and married; Brian served a mission to the Yucatan peninsula of Mexico and later joined the Army; Ben worked and then served a mission to Perth Australia; Lara, Brittany, and Shannon each married and became young mothers. The younger children, Jeff, Katie, and Krista, also eventually grew up, married, and left home.

We wonder sometimes how we made it through those tough years. Mainly with prayer and patience, coupled with good friends and family who helped out. Weekends like this seem even sweeter after all the storms we went through to get to this point.

Update: David went to the p-doc today. The dr. increased his lithium to 300 mg. and put him on risperdone to help control the voices and paranoia. Here's hoping it will help! He also counseled with him to not doing his "walks" anymore. That means I will feel more comfortable about calling next time I see those symptoms start to develop. I just haven't been sure about what to do when David gets in that frame of mind. It makes me feel better to know that more help is available.

The Joys of Grandparenting

We had two of our grandchildren (6-year-old Gabby and her 3-year-old brother Brad) spend the weekend with us. Such fun! We played Barbies and dress-up; David played "tiger" with Brad; we went shopping and bought them a dollar toy at a second-hand store and doughnuts at the grocery story; we made cookies, watched some movies, and read a few stories. We enjoyed their happy chatter, and the sound and energy of small ones running through the house. They were sweet and well behaved; it was just what we needed to bring sunlight into the winter doldrums we had been struggling with. Their tight "squeezes" and "I love yous" made our weekend.
It also reminded me of what attracted me to David in the first place: his way with young children. We met at a singles dance, and decided to meet the next day after work for cokes. I told him I had 3 children and had to pick them up from the daycare first. He said, "They're not brats are they?" I reassured him they were not.
The next day we met at a restaurant, and my 8-year-old twin boys, Ben and Brian, proceeded to tease their 6-year-old sister, Lara, to the point of tears. I ended up leaving him with the boys while I took my daughter kicking and screaming to the ladies room. When we left to go home, David asked me for my number, and I thought, "yeah, sure you'll call." I wouldn't have called me.
Two months later he was cleaning out his wallet, found my number, and on a whim, decided to call. After we laughed about our first "date," we ended up spending a lot of time together, alone and with the kids who hit it off from the start. Two months later we married and began life together as a blended family with Jonathan, Ben, Brian, Lara, Brittany, and Shannon (ages 10 to 4). Later we added Jeffrey and Katie. We also consider Krista, David's ex-wife's daughter, to be one of ours. They are the joy of my life and are worth every last grey hair, and "wrinkly eyes," as Gabby put it when she was making me a "princess."