Easter Thoughts

I was happy to see these orchids bloom after a long winter. My son Jeff and his wife gave them to me last year for Mother's Day. I wondered if they would flower again, but sure enough, with the coming of spring, they did.

I love seeing new life come in the spring; something that never fails to delight and amaze me. Sometimes, in the dead of winter, I wonder if the days will ever warm up again, or if the trees and flowers will ever blossom again. But they always do.

And so it is with life. Sometimes, in spite of best efforts, life can seem dark and dreary, but always there is light at the end of the tunnel. I had one of "those dark days" yesterday when I questioned everything about my life. But today the sun is shining and I can see more clearly. It helped that I was able to enjoy a long lunch with longtime friends; the conversations and their encouragement helped put my life back in perspective again.

Some of my favorite verses are found in the book of John, and I am touched by Jesus' words to his Apostles on the eve of His crucifixion:

"But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.
"Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid."
KJV, John 14:26–27

On the family front: Solder Brian deployed in April, and son-in-law Wes is working on Warrant Officer training in Georgia. We are proud of them and their service. It's at times like this that I appreciate words of comfort found in the scriptures. Joshua 1:9 reminds me that they are in God's care. I also find comfort in listening to hymns. This one, Our Savior's Love, helps when I start to worry: "Our Savior's love Shines like the sun with perfect light,/As from above, It breaks thru clouds of strife./Lighting our way, It leads us back into his sight,/Where we may stay To share eternal life."

Veterans' Day Thoughts

I've been thinking about those serving in the military all day. Partly because we were out in the wilds when the Ft. Hood tragedy occurred, and partly because of my boys who serve. I read the account of what happened and the tributes, and feel heartfelt sorrow for all those involved, as well as pride in how these Soldiers responded. When I became a military mom I discovered that I feel a sense of kinship with those who serve, as well as their families. When one is lost, I feel their pain and pride. Obama is right: we have heroes among us.

When I was growing up Veterans' Day was a day out of school, and the big football game between two rival high schools (my brothers played football, and it was a big deal).

Now I stop to think of those who have served in order for the rest of us to have the freedom to pursue our hopes and dreams. I just finished "Three Cups of Tea," an amazing book that made me stop and realize how truly blessed we are to live in the United States, even with all of its faults. It also gave me a small insight into that troubled area of the world where my son will undoubtedly end up at some point.

I think of ancestors who fought in the Revolutionary War;
the Civil War (I found the story of my great-great-grandfather's regiment, and it brought to life someone who was just a name on my pedigree chart);
WW1 (both grandfathers, one of whom saw action in France);
WWII (my dad, who served as a tail gunner in China), and my father-in-law (a Navy mechanic);
my former father-in-law (one of my favorite people, and a Vietnam Vet);
my brother, an 82nd airborne paratrooper and chaplain;
Jon, the Marine (he reminded me today that there is no such thing as an "ex-Marine");
Brian (who served 2 deployments to Iraq, and is now an officer at Ft. Lewis);
son-in-law Wes (who served a year in Iraq, and is now active Reserves);
Sailor Jeff currently in the Gulf onboard the Nimitz (and struggling a bit with missing his wife);
and family friend Bodie (Air National Guard).
I owe them all a debt of gratitude. As long as we have men like these, as well as so many other dedicated men and women who sacrifice and serve, our nation will remain strong and free.

Payday Weekend

We had one of those great weekends that cause us to stop and count our blessings.

We had a family halloween party on Saturday with most of the kids and grandkids in the area (the family with the new baby was excused). It was so much fun to watch 6 of our grandchildren, ages 2 to 8, play together and do some arts and crafts projects, while we visited with our children. Two of them spent Saturday night and most of Sunday with us. We had a good time playing together, and reading a pop-up book of the "Wizard of Oz." They went to church with us, and 7-year-old Gabby sang in the Primary music program. She said, "And I wasn't even scared because I was in a school program." We were proud.

Then, on Sunday, our Soldier Brian came into town for a short visit before heading to Ft. Lewis, and his family. We haven't been able to see him in a year, and he looks wonderful. He just finished five months of officer training on the east coast. Every time I see him I'm impressed by how much he's grown in confidence. I am so very proud of my brand-new Army officer. Sailor Jeff's wife is in town for some schooling, and they talked about military life and argued over which branch of service is better. (Jeff is doing fine on his deployment, but we miss him badly.)

I couldn't help but look back and think of where we were 15 years ago. It wasn't pretty. At the time, we had 5 teenage children, ages 13 to 17, struggling with broken- and blended-family issues, 2 young children at home, and 2 daughters living with their mother. David was undiagnosed, and reacting badly to family stress. Of course, it didn't help when the kids pushed his buttons, as most will do when frustrated. They were a close-knit group, and frequently egged each other on. (Oh, the stories I could tell!)

I knew David had some emotional problems, but I couldn't convince him of that. One time when he had an emotional break I was able to get him into a psychiatrist. Unfortunately, the dr. was more interested in overmedicating David and pushing us out the door. It took another 10 years to get him back to a doctor. I went to a family counselor for several years who helped me through some of the worst times, but he never talked to me about the possibility of David having a mental illness. His counsel helped, but it would have been much more helpful if he had given me some coping skills for David's obvious mental health issues.

Time passed (quickly, it now seems, although at the time I wondered if it would ever end) and our house emptied out within just a few years. Jon left for the Marines and married; Brian served a mission to the Yucatan peninsula of Mexico and later joined the Army; Ben worked and then served a mission to Perth Australia; Lara, Brittany, and Shannon each married and became young mothers. The younger children, Jeff, Katie, and Krista, also eventually grew up, married, and left home.

We wonder sometimes how we made it through those tough years. Mainly with prayer and patience, coupled with good friends and family who helped out. Weekends like this seem even sweeter after all the storms we went through to get to this point.

Update: David went to the p-doc today. The dr. increased his lithium to 300 mg. and put him on risperdone to help control the voices and paranoia. Here's hoping it will help! He also counseled with him to not doing his "walks" anymore. That means I will feel more comfortable about calling next time I see those symptoms start to develop. I just haven't been sure about what to do when David gets in that frame of mind. It makes me feel better to know that more help is available.