Veterans Day Musings

Veterans Day has become a good time to stop and think about those who serve or who have served in the military. We read moving tributes to veterans. I think of those in my family who have served.

One of the programs at the Spokane youth conference was a tribute to those serving in the military and a service project of creating cards of thanks from the young men and women to those deployed around the world. When a ROTC chapter from one of the local high schools presented the colors in a dignified manner there was complete silence, respect and reverence in the hall. The speakers, which included a young serviceman, a gold star mother, and a colonel, spoke about the theme of the conference: Joshua 1:9 "Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the Lord thy God is with thee withersoever thou goest."

Col. Adams had recently returned from Iraq where he worked with senior Iraqi government and military leaders to help train the Iraqi military so they could defend their country. Among the interesting experiences  that he shared, he said that regardless of what we may hear or see, there is much gratitude for the young men and women who went over there to give them freedom. One of the Iraqi generals told him, "With our freedom we are always being attacked by sharks trying to take it away. Freedom is the most precious gift we have. The Americans left their families and came half way around the world. Why would they come? They came in the name of their mission, 'Iraqi Freedom.' They came here to give us freedom. They made a difference."

The experience had an impact on those who were there. Said one young man: "I've gained a greater sense of gratitude and respect for the people who serve our country in the military." And a young lady added: "Now on patriotic holidays I will know the meaning of it and remember the troops and all that they go through." I also had the chance to visit there with a Vietnam Vet, who was so overcome with emotion at his service being remembered that he could barely speak. I'm grateful that on November 11 we have the chance to thank those who serve their country, instead of letting it get lost in the activities that come with most three-day weekend holidays. I still cry when I think of the experience.

Time Flies on Wings of Lightning

Time flies on wings of lightning
We cannot call it back. It comes, then passes forward Along its onward track.

And if we are not mindful, The chance will fade away,

For life is quick in passing. 'Tis as a single day. (Hymns, no. 226)

That about sums up what's been going on with us. Before I realize it, another week, then two, then three have passed since I last wrote.

Improve the shining moments; Don't let them pass you by.

Work while the sun is radiant; Work, for the night draws nigh.

We cannot bid the sunbeams To lengthen out their stay,

Nor can we ask the shadow To ever stay away.

I took some days off a few weeks ago. We spent one day fishing at Lost Creek, and then I spent two glorious days cleaning the house. It feels so nice to have clean(er) closets that I don't have to risk life and limb to get into. I also (sort of) organized the camping gear and put it away for the season. Organization is not one of my strong points, but I feel better about the state of the house.

I have also been extra busy at work with some writing projects, including 2 stories about leadership from the Spokane trip. I enjoy writing, but it does take a lot of time and effort with lots and lots of revisions and rewriting. I feel good about the end product, though, and appreciate the help from coworkers on making it a stronger article.

David has, for the most part, been stable with bouts of depression thrown in for good measure. Last week we helped out with a ward halloween party, and that put him in a better frame of mind. We had a potluck dinner of soup and chili, with pie for desert. Then the children went to 4 different decorated rooms in the building for "trick-or-treating." David interacts well with friends from the ward, and our son Jeff and his wife, Nikki, came for the festivities. A good time was had by all.

I have been doing some knitting and crocheting projects; I'm definitely a beginner, but it is relaxing to work on something. I'm not brave enough (yet) to try anything more than baby blankets, but I'll get there. I think of my grandma when I knit; it was something she loved to do, and taught me the skill when I was in high school. Somewhere along the way I quit doing needle work, then picked it up again a few years ago. I like it so much I can't imagine why I put it down in the first place.

I also started work on a HUGE family history project: scanning family history photos into the computer. That's something else that I feel strongly about doing, and hope to keep working on it through the winter months.

As winter time doth follow The pleasant summer days,

So may our joys all vanish And pass far from our gaze.

Then should we not endeavor Each day some point to gain,

That we may here be useful And ev'ry wrong disdain?

I am taking tomorrow off for our upcoming 24th anniversary. We plan on going fishing again. The weather is beautiful this week, and it seems like a good idea to take advantage of the last of the good weather. Besides, a day of knitting and reading sounds really good right now.

Thoughts on Leadership

Along with the rest of the world, I have been watching the rescue of the Chilean miners. I like this comment from President Piñera of Chile: "We have learned from this accident that unity, faith, hope, and courage can achieve all the goals that we can set for our country." It is true, also, in our everyday lives and relationships.

Reading about Luis Urzua, the crew leader of the trapped miners gave great insight into what a true leader is: one who loves and serves those who are in his care. "As the leader of a group that was forced to live in perpetual darkness, high humidity and hot temperatures, Urzua kept up order, spirits and solidarity among the group, by setting everyone tasks and making sure that no one was marginalized."

It reminded me of the conversation I had with some teens in Washington. When I went to Spokane in August I covered a two-day youth conference for 1,600 teens. I also interviewed several of them about the qualities of leadership, as well as what it takes to be a good follower. The conference was well-done with group activities, service projects, and a spiritual program; the adult leaders were organized, kind, and helpful; the kids were excited to be there and had a lot of fun meeting new people and participating in the event. Several of them talked to me about the feeling of unity and friendship that was there. I enjoyed the whole experience, but the best part was getting to talk to the young men and young women; they were delightful.

Some of the group scenes from the conference.

During the discussions on leadership, they shared sweet experiences with me and gave insight wise beyond their years. They often mentioned the qualities of unity, faith, and courage. Said one young man: "Part of being in a leadership position means helping those that may need an extra hand. I have found that by helping others I help myself, and I am learning to be a better friend and person."

They also understood the importance of listening to what others have to say. One young lady commented: "Part of being a good leader is knowing when to put aside what you want and give others what they want. I think knowing when to step back and compromise is important." Someone else said, "You have to know how to serve before you can be a good leader."

They know that along with learning to be good leaders they need to be good followers also, and do what is asked of them with a good attitude. Said one: "followership is active." Observed another: "I know that followers behind a leader are like links in a chain. If a follower isn't helping another follower up, like a chain holds itself together, then the chain will fall apart and the leadership will be worth nothing."

Like the example of those trapped in the mine, their counsel applies to us all. When I follow these qualities in my relationship with David as well as with the rest of the family, it all goes so much better.

Scenes from Spokane: the clock tower, falls, and river

Changing Seasons

I always feel introspective around my birthday season, and this year was no exception. I had a good birthday weekend, complete with flowers and dinner from David, a family party, a happy phone call from my daughter Lara in Mexico, and two grandchildren (Gabby, 8, and Brad, 4) who spent the weekend with us. I couldn't have asked for better.

I had lunch with a friend last week. We talked about the way our lives are so different from what we envisioned when we were young. She asked me if I would change any major decisions that I have made.

It made me pause for a few minutes and think back over the years. I was very idealistic when I was young; I also didn't have a clear picture of what it was I wanted to do besides being a wife and mother. I have often thought that if I had had any idea of what was ahead for me I would have run the other way. But then I would have missed out on choice experiences; so no, I wouldn't change anything:

* Leaving school to work full-time (well, maybe that one); but that was when I met my first husband.

* Marrying my first husband. As difficult as it was because of circumstances and personality conflicts, I still learned important lessons about myself and life, and gained three amazing and precious children in the bargain.

*Divorcing that first husband. No, it needed to be that way for both of us to grow and move on. Twenty-five years later we have a good relationship. So, there again, no real regrets.

* Marrying David. I can't imagine life without him and the blended family we worked so hard to create, including the three children he came with and the two that we had together. Each one is important and loved. And while it hasn't been easy by any stretch of the imagination, the last 24 years with him have been worth it.

The first week of April and October has traditionally been incredibly hectic with preparing the conference edition of the magazine. Because of changing technology and a streamlined schedule I have been freed of post-conference work; that means my life isn't put on hold for two weeks and I can do my regular work assignments. While I am not sorry for the change (28 years of running at a breakneck pace for two weeks is plenty!), I do feel slightly displaced. It's part of a cycle of change that happens in life, and I'm seeing that cycle of change happen more and more often at work lately: A dear friend that I enjoyed working with for 27 years retired on my birthday; news came recently of health problems that a good friend and former coworker is dealing with; hearing about the unexpected passing of another respected friend and former coworker. When I went to the retirement party for my friend I saw a number of friends, and thought back over the years. I realize that I have been truly blessed to work for the magazines and have been taught by masters in the field of editing and journalism. I can only hope to be as truly talented as they are.

David took me for a long ride this last weekend to celebrate the changing season, both in nature as well as at work. I enjoyed the fall colors in the mountains, the sleepy towns that we drove through, and the quiet conversation between us. His mood has been fairly stable, although he struggled at times last week with some depression. When he was manic earlier in the month he decided that he wanted to buy a harley-davidson motorcycle. I wasn't happy with the idea, but eventually told him that I would support him if he did. I also told him that I was not willing or able to cosign on a loan for one. He was sad when he couldn't get the financing, and I did my best not to be too happy about not acquiring a motorcycle. Happily, he's working through the disappointment.

He also decided to put together a fishing pontoon made of pvc pipe and styrofoam while he was manic, and he's been working hard at finishing his project. I think that part of the problem is that he doesn't have enough to keep him busy; having something to work on helps keep him stable. I'm hoping we can find something more for him to do this fall and winter.

Manic Season

We had a great Labor Day weekend, with a four-day camping trip to the Uinta Mountains. We camped at a beautiful, serene mountain lake (interrupted on occasion with people on ATVs), hiked to several mountains lakes, David fished, and I read and knitted. I enjoyed the beautiful weather, and noticed leaves slowly changing to mark the beginning of a new season.



Unfortunately, on the way home I noticed David slipping into mania. A few days later he told me that he had been slipping out of the house to go on his midnight walks when he couldn't sleep several times for the last few weeks, and asked me to call his dr. for help. By the time I came home with a report of the concerns the dr. shared with me, David had forgotten all about what had happened, and accused me of over-reacting. It was not a pretty conversation because I felt incredibly upset, worried, and angry over his behavior, and I forgot the first rule about staying calm.

I try not to go into gory details here of all that was said until after a crisis has passed because I want to be as fair as possible to David. I also want to focus on what I have learned, instead of the crisis itself. (I have also been really busy with work and family issues lately, as well.) We managed to have a truce for several days because our Soldier Brian and his family came for a visit. It was fun to have them here, and to get better acquainted with and enjoy the grandchildren.

His mood, though, kept getting more and more manic, complete with listening to the voices in his head, no sleep, and irrational ideas. He started realizing that he was out of control and asked me again to call the dr. for help. We went to a therapist for the first time this week, and David has another appointment to see him in two weeks to work on his temper.

It was helpful to spend a few minutes talking to the therapist about my view of David's behavior, and some of the challenges that I have in dealing with his moods. He and my brother both told me that I cannot "make" David to do what is healthiest for him; it ultimately is his choice. I've been thinking about that, and I do see their point. However, I also do not have to protect him from the consequences of his actions. On the occasion when he succumbs to a desire for some alcohol I refuse to give him sympathy for the hangover that accompanies it.

Fortunately, David finally worked through the mania, and is relatively stable again. We've been able to talk about what happened and some more on what we need to do to work through these difficult cycles that come every few months. For example, my birthday is this coming weekend. At first he wanted to go on another camping trip, but I frankly am really tired of being away from home on the weekend. We were going to compromise for a one-day camp, but we both decided that we would rather just go for a drive in the mountains to see some fall color. Now that I can live with; I'm looking forward to the day.