Family History

I read a lecture by David McCullough about the importance of history to our society. He says, "History is filled with voices that reach out and lift the spirits, sometimes from the distance of centuries." I think that is one of the reasons why I find history so fascinating. I am looking forward to reading his books now that I, theoretically anyway, should have more time when I'm done with school. I know, famous last words, but one can always hope!

When I was going through my divorce, I came across the journal that my great-grandmother kept during the 1930s. She describes her day-to-day life on the plains of Canada, as well as some of her childhood memories. Her story helped me understand that life keeps going on, even when it feels like things will never get any better. Her story gave me courage to carry on during difficult times. In addition to her story, I have collected a number of other treasured family stories over the years that help me to understand myself better. My goal is to put them in a form that my children and grandchildren will want to read. It will probably take me years to finish, but if these stories lie unread in the bottom of a drawer, then what good are they? My hope is that they will help others along the way. I did finish Grandma Zerelda's story for a class project when I first started at the U.

David's grandma Zerelda and I hit it off immediately when we met. I love history, especially family history, and she was delighted to tell me about her childhood in person and sent me long letters filled with fascinating detail about life in the early 20th century. One of the reasons that I was interested in David's family history was to try to understand his background, hoping it would give me a clue to his moods. Sure enough, Grandma Zerelda described her father: "My first recollections of life were while living with Grandpa and Grandma Garner, Mother’s parents. My dad wouldn’t have me. Boys were all he wanted and was angry about each girl that joined the family. It seemed he was either angry or overly happy; no in-between. This was heard many times; relatives or visitors would discuss the story. Some way, no satisfactory answer was to be mine, although this has been pondered many, many times. I was with my grandparents until age 11, when my baby sister was expected while they were living at Caliente, Nevada."

It seems to me that there are more questions about the nature of mental illness than there are answers. Some believe it to be a genetic tendency; others do not. More research needs to be done before we really understand all there is to know on the subject, but in David's case anyway, I really believe it is a genetic tendency, and her history helps me understand him better.

Words vs. Numbers

I am taking a communications research and statistics class this semester. It's almost the last class I need to get my BA in Mass Communication. I delayed taking it until the end because I really am not good with numbers. (And how I ended up being in charge of family finances is beyond me!) I enjoyed the first part of the class on the theory of research in communication. In fact, I was feeling proud of myself because I got an A on the first test. But now we're heading into the actual math and statistics part of the class, and I'm nervous (actually, terrified is a better word). Which is why entries here may be sporadic until mid-May when I'll be done with this class.
It's interesting to me how genetics works: My grandfather graduated with honors for his masters degree in math from Berkeley during the 1920s. He also taught advanced math and science classes when he was the principal and school superintendent in his small Idaho town. I swear I was somewhere else in heaven when math genes were handed out, but they did end up with one of my sons. Ben is finishing up his masters degree in nuclear engineering and took most of the advanced math classes the university offers.
A few months ago we had a discussion on the relative merits of math and language:
"But math is so logical, Mom!" he said.
All I could say is, "It may be logical to you, son, but it's Greek to me."
When I countered that language is much easier to understand, he brought up all the exceptions to the rules in grammar. I couldn't argue the point.
What I struggle with is all the various formulas that have to be followed exactly in order to come up with the right answer.
We did agree that it's a good thing there are a wide variety of talents and personality types. Can you imagine a world filled only with mathematicians? Or for that matter, grammarians? or artists? or lawyers? or mechanics? or musicians?
David got the results of the blood tests he took last month. He's still low on lithium, so the Dr. increased the dosage. He also added depakote to help with the hallucinations. David is finally going from getting little sleep to having some sleep, and his moods are doing better.
He was a little stressed last weekend when he forgot to take his meds one night. He started obsessing (again) about my health, and what would he do if something happened to me. I would be flattered, except I know it's because he's more concerned about his own welfare than he is about my well-being. It is, however, a good reminder to get our financial house in order. That task is just simply going to have to wait until this math class is done. I can only deal with so much at once!