Faith vs Fear

Faith vs Fear

Sunday, June 20, 2010

fishing trip

Last week was a rough one. David went through another bout of rapid cycling mixed episodes, and I had round two of sinus and ear infections. Because of his mood cycle he was not very understanding when I stayed home in bed for three days; it really aggravated his anxiety and paranoia. Then on Saturday, just when I was about to throw in the towel, his mood suddenly shifted back to normal. That's one of the things about having a bipolar spouse that I find most challenging: keeping up with his mood swings. He went from Mr. Nasty to David at his best in about 1/2 hour. When I asked him why the change in attitude, he just shrugged and said, "that's how my moods operate." It's pointless to stay angry at him because he doesn't remember half of what he said that was so hurtful. But trying to adjust my mood from being angry back to being "normal" is sometimes draining. I finally let go of being angry, bit my tongue, and asked him what he would like to do for Father's Day weekend.
"Go fishing," he said.
So we did a hasty packing job, loaded up the dogs, and went to his favorite fishing hole. It was just what we both needed. Lost Creek reservoir is at the top of a remote canyon and has been limited to day fishing only. It used to be open to camping and waterskiiing, but 10 years ago it was closed and strengthened for earthquakes. Before they closed it, we spent many weekends there camping overnight with our children when they were young. Now with just small fishing boats allowed on the lake, it has become a serene spot. David had a good time fishing, and I read and knitted and napped to my heart's content.

David ended up catching two 18-inch fish. It made his day. I refuse to do anything with fish, so he cleaned them and cooked them. They were tasty.
The dogs, Lucy and Sunny, also had a great time running around and exploring the area where we were camped. There weren't many people around, so they had the run of the place. When we came home, Lucy refused to get out of the car for over an hour. Here she is looking woe-be-gone.
I'm on the mend, thanks to a heavy-duty dose of antibiotics, and David, while his mood is still fluctuating, is doing much better. I had planned on painting my room, but it is still there, waiting to be painted this coming weekend. I think it comes down to being willing to roll with his moods and being flexible about getting my projects done. Frustrating? Oh yes. But I have to look at the bigger picture, which is helping David to keep as level as possible. It was a good choice to go fishing.


  1. I understand about the mood swings--we had a family aquaintence that suffered from the same thing. In one phone call their mood could shift two or more times all within a few minutes.
    Glad you are feeling a bit better---is all the snow gone on the mountains now?

  2. Thanks aimee! I'm finally through this infection (I hope), and doing much better. The snow is off the lower elevations now anyway, although I think there's still some up in the high Uintahs. The weather at Lost Creek was absolutely gorgeous; not too hot with just a bit of a cooling breeze. It was hard to come home. (I related to poor Lucy.)

  3. I used to hold onto the mood - the one given to me in the rush to get my daughter out the door and off to school in the morning, the angry, stressed, get-out-of-my -way mood. My stomach would be in knots all day. I was always surprised that she was often in a cheery, carefree mood when she got home in the afternoon. The mood swings dominated everything.
    Still do. My daughter is 25 and though the diagnosis has changed over the years to borderline personality disorder, the mood swings are still part of the package. She turned to me in the middle of a particularly rough patch a couple of weeks ago and asked why I listen to her when she is like that! Oh, I had no idea that there was that level of awareness. But, apparently, even when she does not remember what she says in the middle of an episode, she know that it isn't trustworthy information.
    It is a battle, but she is worth the fight.
    The day you spent fishing sounded so lovely. I'm with the dog. I suppose Lucy thought if she stayed in the car long enough, you'd bring her back!
    xx kris


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