Faith vs Fear

Faith vs Fear

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Managing Mania

Last week was a tough one. David struggled to control his mixed-episode mood all weekend, but it bloomed into full mania on Wednesday night. It was the worst I have seen him since he started on the lithium two years ago.

He came home from our cleaning job with his mind racing, and an urgent need to have me write a story about "them" that was going through his mind. (When he starts talking about "Them" I know he's having hallucinations going on.) He eventually took his usual meds and went to bed. I woke up to some banging a few hours later, only to find him completely delusional and about to do some serious self-harm. I was able to calm him down and gave him some zyprexa that took care of the worst of the episode. It was a long night. I talked to his pdoc the next day and he said that I did the right thing; made me feel a whole lot better. He also told me that the zyprexa wasn't causing the sour mood, it was the mixed-episode mood he was in, and that David should continue with the meds he's been prescribed. Since then, David has been doing better and started taking the zyprexa again. The whole episode, though, was emotionally draining.

These episodes leave me feeling vulnerable, and it takes me a few days to recover my equilibrium. This time was no exception. However, there are things that I can do to help myself get back into a good place: prayer, reading the scriptures, listening to good music, and working on on-going projects around the house and at work.

This time around I made good progress toward cleaning out closets and going through boxes of family pictures. David helped with the pictures; it was fun sifting through them and looking at how much the family has grown and changed. And I'm terribly excited to realize that I only have two more closets and three sets of drawers to go before the house will be organized (sort of, as much as I'm capable of organizing anyway). Then it's on to the fun stuff of painting and decorating rooms, working on family history and scrapbooks, and knitting, crocheting, etc.

It's always amazing to me how when I feel really discouraged someone comes along and says exactly what I need to hear, often without even realizing it. This time was no exception, and I consider them tender mercies from the Lord who never forsakes me. An example of that happened at the ward party a few weekends ago. The young women, ages 12-18, delivered singing telegrams, and I was lucky to receive one from Sailor Jeff and his wife. They sang "Wind Beneath My Feet" by Bette Midler. It was so sweet it reduced me to tears. It was even more sweet because I knew the girls who were singing and taught some of them when they were 10-11 years old.

I used music more as a therapy, and that has helped lift my spirits. David also discovered that listening to a quiet classical music radio station at night helps him relax and sleep better than anything else he's tried.

I was raised in a house filled with music; my mother had a lovely soprano voice and used to sing as she worked around the house, as well as in local choirs. I, unfortunately, didn't inherit that talent, but I do like listening to music. My first husband was also a musician, and he expanded my musical tastes. When I need to feel better I listen to hymns; they soothe my soul.

My mother-in-law is a good friend with one of the tablernacle organists, Linda Margetts, and last year she invited us to a noontime organ recital at the tabernacle. After the recital, she gave us a personal lecture about the organ. It was fun to see it up close and personal, and the music was heavenly.

Spring is coming, and I'm expecting better days soon.

Here's a reminder of things to come.


  1. I am so sorry for David's most recent episode. I am glad you have a relationship with his doctor though. I am always impressed with your great attitiude and diligence. I am glad you find ways to rejuvinate and help you after a draining episode!

  2. Enternal Love
    Grab hold of the utmost love,
    gaze upos its eternaty.
    Passionate images enclose you in a dream.
    Chosing illusion over reality.
    Dreams over life.
    Pleasure over freedom.
    Your desires take hold where you're sheltered.
    Only to get a glimps of a healing wish.
    Leaving unheard echoes behind.
    Waiting for the miracle that will embrace your soul.
    You're touched by the unblemished angel.
    Your ambitious heart is betrayed, lost and wretched.
    Invisible to the eye,
    controling over your mind,
    Precious memories will stay at ease.
    Intertwined into a collapsed promise.
    Only to remember your unconditional detemination.
    So the fragile body has warmth.

  3. Sorry, that sounds like it was really hard.


Welcome! I'm so glad you dropped by. I'm always happy to hear what you have to say.