I don't know the story behind the site Beacon of Hope, or why it hasn't been updated for a long time, but I'm truly grateful the information posted there is still accessible.
I went wandering around the site again recently while trying to figure out how better to cope with David's moods. Several items in the coping section were welcome reminders that I'm not alone in dealing with a mentally ill spouse.
I especially relate right now to the section on "burnout." It's easy to get so involved with the drama surrounding him and his moods/needs/demands that I forget to take care of myself. Last week I made a stab at spending some quality time by myself, and it does help. For me, time by myself is as important as eating and breathing. I don't function very well when I don't have enough time alone to think and dream.
David's moods are still dark, but he finally went to his doctor. He's working with the doctor to adjust his medicine, and he needs to take some more blood tests. We were very lucky to have landed with caring, competent doctors when we most needed one. Last fall we had a Dr.'s appointment that coincided with David having a severe anxiety attack. Our regular Dr. was concerned, talked to the psychiatrist on the staff at the same clinic, and got David in to see him within just a few days. We're grateful for their good care and compassion.